Merry Christmas!

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I’m generally a happy person, but it makes me sad that there are people in this world who don’t enjoy the Christmas holiday. They want the days of Christmas to go by fast and be gone.

That is a sad situation.

I wonder if they’re just focusing on the wrong end of the holiday. I mean if you’re not thinking about baby Jesus, then yeah, I guess you might not enjoy the holiday. If you can’t imagine some magic around Saint Nicholas, then you might not have fun. If you can’t see the light in a child’s eyes as they imagine all the candy and toys, then you might be focused on the wrong things.

One of the best parts for me is watching my son share his toys and candy. I don’t believe I taught him this. He seems to have learned it on his own. He just takes whatever he has and gives it away. I don’t ask him to do it. I don’t prompt him. He looks at another child and says, “Do you want this?” Then he hands over whatever it is—a plastic army man, a bag of Skittles, a Lego mini-figure, or even a Hot Wheels motorcycle.

He has the same love of objects as anyone else. He has a Christmas list: a list of fun he wants wrapped up under the tree. But he gives so freely, I can’t see any selfishness in him. He doesn’t even hesitate. He loves to share.

One thing he does ask in return, to those he gives his gifts to, is that they play with him. After he gives them something, he asks, “Do you want to play with me?” That seems like a fair exchange to me. A gift of something you desire for a little bit of your time? Of course, I’m putting that in adult terms. You get the idea though. He just wants a friend. He wants a companion for play time.

And the weird thing is that sometimes the children he gives things to don’t accept his request. They take the toy and go play by themselves. It’s strange to watch that interaction. Even though it’s rare, it does happen. Sometimes I want to go talk to the kid who denies the chance to play, so I can reason with them.

“Didn’t he give you that toy? Don’t you think you owe it to him, to play with him? Don’t you feel guilty eating those Skittles?”

I wonder though, if I’m just indulging in adult interference, or actually helping the situation. I’m sure there are times when it’s right to interfere, and times when children have to learn on their own. Maybe they have to stew in their feeling of guilt long enough to recognize it. Like the person at the beginning of this topic, who doesn’t enjoy Christmas, who may or may not need my prompting to get over their seasonal depression, will they get my prompting anyway? How do you know when to share the joy you have inside? You don’t. So just do it anyway. Share it freely. Share it without hesitation. And who knows? Someone might be watching you. They might say, “Look at how selfless that one is. Now that’s Christmas spirit.”

Fake Book Titles

 

  1. Getting Married UnderwaterGMU
  2. Real Photos Taken by Real Catsrealcats
  3. Wrestling a Python
  4. Black Holes: Not Black, Not Holes
  5. Landfill Everything
  6. Global Cooling
  7. Mining for Spaghetti Oysters
  8. Sleeping with the TV on Makes You SmarterTV
  9. How to: Guess Anyone’s Weight
  10. Novelty Campism: from Elvis Impersonation to Rap Music
  11. Ving Rhames for President
  12. Buried Treasure in Alaska
  13. Teasing Your Mate, Teasing Your Hair
  14. Feeding Your Inner Beast (Psychedelic Proteins)Feeding
  15. This is not a bookspikey
  16. Recycled Clothing
  17. How to: Chocolate Coat Anything
  18. Get Rich on Minimum WageGetRich
  19. Did Taylor Swift Kill The Music Industry?
  20. 11 (uncomfirmed) Things I Might Have Done at the 7-11
  21. Authorized PlagiarismAP
  22. Frozen Pizza and Fried Ice Cream
  23. My Monkey (a memoir)
  24. Delicious Insects and Where to Find Them
  25. Polyester Man (He who lives and never dies!)
  26. Taming Your Extrovertextro

And that concludes my list of books that aren’t books, but maybe should be.

Isms

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Neoplatonism: Supposed to be new. It’s ancient. Supposed to be about Plato. He’s ancient too. An ism in antiquity. Infused with the idea that trance will connect one to a higher power. Solipsism: Selfism. Like a child who won’t share, this ism is for those who think they’re the center of the universe. Cronyism: Friend worship. That’s all really. It can be described as paying a lot of attention to friends and close relationships, but no others. It gets so deep, this attention, as to be considered worship. Socialism: Social worship. Like Cronyism, only reversed, so that the zealous attention is paid to society. Tends to screw over the individual to benefit the crowd or the state. Fascism: Sometimes a covert racism, fascism is a way for dictators to remain in power, because any voting system is abolished. Favors the state over individuals. Sadism: sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on someone else. Masochism: Sexual pleasure from being subjected to pain. Racism: Worship of the race to which you belong. All others are considered inferior. Ageism: Worship of the age group to which you belong. All others are considered inferior. Intellectualism: Worship of the idea of intelligence. It used to be a devotion to learning. This ism sacrifices wisdom for encyclopedic trivia. Organism: Not a worship. Unless you’re a weirdo. An Organism is a system, usually complex, and usually considered alive. (I threw this one in here to test the attention span of the reader.) Republican-ism: The belief that only one party can govern a political system. Democrat-ism: The belief that only one party can govern a political system. Buddhism: The belief that a steady progression through selflessness will exalt an active practitioner. Christian-ism: The belief that a steady progression through selflessness will exalt an active practitioner. Judaism: The belief that a steady progression through selflessness will exalt an active practitioner. Materialism: Worship of physical possessions. Sexism: Prejudice against the opposite gender. Audism: Prejudice against the hearing-impaired.

If you’re practicing any prejudice against others, just stop. Most of us have more in common than we have differences. Like the lizard above, we can bridge the gap!

Break Room Discovery

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The office break room is a scientific place.

Social psychology comes into play when certain people who don’t otherwise associate within the company go in there at the same time. Who sits where? Who gets the comfy chair? Who gets the microwave first? Who has to heat up their food among the drippy splatter from the previous careless user? What topics will come up in conversation? Will that one annoying guy talk about his colonoscopy again? Will the ladies discuss their pregnancies in detail? Will that guy who has too many cats in his house come in the break room and send everyone packing because he smells like his method of hygiene is to bath in a pool of one thousand cats? Will the boss come in and ruin every conversation? Will that gal with the political fetish come in and bore everyone to tears or bleeding ears? Will someone find their food has been stolen out of the refrigerator?

All of these questions will need further study. So will the unknown substance in that container on the bottom shelf at the back of the refrigerator. The container is, of course, clear. Everyone can see the stuff inside, but no one knows what it is. No one claims it. How did it get there in the first place? Did some outsider bring it in when no one was looking? Is there some serial leftover depositor out there in the city? If so, where will he strike next? In an office near you? In YOUR office? How will he ever get caught? Does he leave his fingerprints on the mysterious containers? Has he ever been caught on camera? Or is he able to avoid cameras like Bigfoot does? If Bigfoot worked in the office, would anyone know about that? Maybe he does, and he’s the one taking the lunches out of the break room fridge. The best thing to do then is set up one of those wildlife cameras and some bear traps inside some lunch sacks. Strategically placed sacks will capture either Bigfoot or the leftover depositor. Either way, scientific progress will have been made.

How to be happy: make cookies.

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Don’t buy them at the store. That doesn’t make you work for your happiness. And everyone knows that happiness you work for is far more valuable than free happiness.

Also, I’d like to extend this challenge: when you make the cookies, mash up the butter with a fork. It takes a bit out of you. You learn your limits. Do you really have the muscles in your forearms to turn refrigerated butter to pulp? How long can you maintain the pressure? The cookies I like to make start with butter and brown sugar. Once the butter is softened, then the brown sugar needs to be blended in with the butter.

Don’t use a blender! Don’t use a mixer! Use the same fork and your now sore forearms! But don’t stop there. You have to add the regular sugar now, and that needs to be mixed with the butter as well. Get your trusty fork and get smashing. You might need the eggs around this point. Mix those in too.

Feel the burn in your arms? That’s good. Take a break and mix all of your dry ingredients together. Maybe all you need for that is a sifter and a good bowl, or a good bowl and a whisk. You choose. (Don’t use a sifter on the oats. That would be silly!) Once you’ve got all of your dry ingredients together, then you can mix that all in with your butter and sugar mixture.

Yeah, you know what to do—get that fork. Last but not least, you’ll need to mix in whatever optional ingredients you prefer: raisins to chocolate chips. That might be the tough part. But not for you. Just use your venerable fork and your now massive forearms. Mix it all in and be happy!

 

Oatmeal Cookies Supreme

(Mix in order of listing. Bake in an oven heated to 350 degrees F. 10 to 12 minutes. Makes about 24.)

Two sticks of butter (1 cup)

Two cups of brown sugar

One cup of white, granulated cane sugar

Three eggs

One teaspoon vanilla

 

Four cups of oats

Three and one half cups of flour

One third cup of ground flax seeds

Two teaspoons baking powder

One teaspoons baking soda

One teaspoon ground cloves

One half teaspoon ground cinnamon

 

Option1

One cup of chocolate chips

 

Option 2

Half a cup of craisins

 

Option 3

Half a cup of raisins

 

Option 4

Half a cup of peanut butter