Xenosthesia.com

You Too Can Be Offended

For those feeling like an outsider because they have nothing to be offended about, here’s a convenient list:

Whether you’re a fan of country or a fan of rap music, or if you don’t care for either of them, you can be offended that someone out there is still trying to succeed at mixing the two. That so-called artist is only succeeding at ruining both, and music in general.
Venmo, PayPal, Tesla, Spacex: all owned by Elon Musk. So offensive. (Or maybe I’m only jealous.)
Be offended at your neighbor’s lawn full of dandelions. Don’t they care about their lawn the way you do?
Contrariwise, your other neighbor’s super green, chemically-enhanced lawn puts chemicals in the ground water.
You could be offended that drones can fly but cars cannot.
You could be offended that Kanye West still isn’t president of anything.
You could be offended at coffee drinkers who treat their coffee cups like India’s sacred cow.
Be offended at the gender-swapper who is her own brother.
And yes, you can be offended at the eighth suggestion. Do it! Now, be offended that I’m bossing you around.
Be offended at the royal family, just because.
Moments of meditation. All those moments do is drive you to be more calm and less offended, when all you want is to be offended. Who needs inner peace?
Be offended that your phone is taking pictures of everything around you to focus the advertising you see and hear.
Companies replacing human jobs with robots. Truly offensive. No joke there.
Be offended by any movie or television show with sloppy-cam (ahem, Falcon and the Winter Soldier). That pedantic filming style died long ago.
Be offended that most chewing gum is laced with the same chemicals your neighbor puts on their lawn.
Be offended that your teacher gives you homework but your school is online. It’s ALL “homework,” isn’t it?
Be offended that people want you to “believe in science” like it’s some kind of new-age religion.
Be offended that the song by Ke$ha got made into a really bad video app, or vise versa.
Be offended that there are slow learners among the human population.
Be offended that you are among the human population.
Be offended at the division of society in which you fit.
Be offended at anyone who stereotypes the division of society in which you fit.
You could even be offended that you didn’t think up the category. Aim your offense at the one who did.
The English don’t know their own language as well as Americans. You could be offended at that.
You could be offended that fidget spinners aren’t enjoying another year of popularity.
Cow flatulence. How dare those cows live their lives as sentient beings with simple needs? So offensive.
You could be offended whenever someone mistakes suggestions for demands.
Be offended that whiskey-powered cars aren’t more common.
Raccoons eat chickens. ‘Nuff said.
There’s a pan in your kitchen right this moment without any brownies/cookies/cake in it. Now that’s the most offensive thing of all.

A short list of long words

Apophenia: the tendency to mentally relate a series of potentially unrelated ideas.

When someone employs apophenia, they seem to be bouncing randomly from one subject to the next, making connections between things though the connections are questionable.

Extrasensory: not related to the five common senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell).

A person could develop an extrasensory decision-making model for their life and get along just fine, possibly better than the alternative.

Pragmatic: of or related to the practical.

The best way to be when exercising your inner capitalist. Not the best when going on a date (in that case it would be better to be romantic).

Phlegmatic: showing or having few emotions.

Yes, I know, we’re all jealous of the “phlegmy” ones. They seem to have no worries.

Schizophrenia: the tendency to relate unrelated realities.

A question I’ve been pondering lately is this: how would you know the difference between schizophrenic visions and visions associated with xenosthesia? How could you possibly discern? It’s basically the age-old question of whether a person can diagnose their own sanity. Does a diagnosis require an objective opinion? Then again, the best doctor would be able to tap the vein of xenosthesia.

Xenosthesia: the ability to experience all of the emotions and sensations and knowledge of another being.

In an ideal example of this, the experiencing subject would have access to the knowledge of the subject being experienced, though the subject being experienced wouldn’t necessarily know anything was happening. For the experienced to know they were under scrutiny would require them to have a measure of xenosthesia as well.

Obsession

Count how many times a person mentions a particular topic. Find the topic with the highest count and you’ve found their obsession.

For some, an obsession will be a sport. They might be a bit zealous over hockey or hang gliding, baseball or bocce ball.

For others, they might obsess over politics or public figures, civil rights or civil unrest.

Still others will have an undivided focus on religion. Whether it is one religion, or a variety, will depend on the individual.

An interesting aspect of obsession is that it’s not exclusive to those who love the sport, or the debate, or the religion. People who have a dishonest disregard for a topic can also be obsessed. These are they who will deny their obsession even when confronted with the count of how often they bring up the topic. They pretend outwardly to consider the subject unworthy of their precious time, all the while injecting every possible conversation with their pet talking point.

To be fair, not every obsession is unwanted. Not every obsessed person is annoying. There are the rare flints who light fires inside conversations with their cheerful focus. The few who can inspire others to enjoy the same topic they do are masters of the art of conversation.

How do these rare gems do it? Usually by humor. At times, with clever analogies. Even others, by brilliant story-telling.

The flip side are the annoying ones. How do they annoy with their obsession? By forcing it, whatever the obsession is, where it’s unwanted, presenting it through gripes and complaints, iterating and reiterating, and ignoring any outside opinions, facts, or figures to contradict their set opinion of the obsession.

When it gets to the point where a person denies being obsessed and yet still drives the topic into every possible conversation, it can get really weird. Others will start to wonder how the person can be blind to the sea they’re swimming in. How does the mind get so enveloped and so oblivious at the same time? Is there a part of the brain that hides the annoying habits from the rest?

Do old men who tell the same joke every time you see them have this part of the brain engaged full time? Science wants to know.

“Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before.”

Mother

Mother’s Day is May 9th, 2021.

Making cookies is a hobby I most likely gained from my mother. She taught a great many things, and one of the best lessons is to enjoy life. You don’t know my Mom, though you could imagine her, if you think of a woman quick with a laugh and a hug, generous, charitable, happy, who almost always has cookies somewhere in the house. Why does she always have cookies? They make her happy. Even more because sharing them makes her happy.

This is how I start cookies, with lots of butter. I like to smash the butter with a fork. Never use a machine, if you’re capable. You might be surprised how much fun it is to grind up butter with only your forearms and an ordinary stainless steel utensil. Plus, if you have any frustrations, this is a good way to work through them. Better to take it out on a bowl full of butter than someone you love.

Add all the other ingredients, like flour, eggs, sugar, and for chocolate chip cookies, baking soda. Mash all that together with a fork as well. What’s that you say? Your forearms are burning? You’re awesome. If it helps, try to think of how many calories you’re burning mixing these cookies and how many you’ll intake when you eat those cookies. You’r burning more than you eat. Tomorrow, you can make some more. And the next day, and the next.

Share them with your mother.