Weird Christmas Songs

As far as weird Christmas songs go, some of the songs which receive the most radio play can be the weirdest. Look at the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside”. On the surface it can seem innocuous. Dig a little deeper and it sounds like somebody’s planning a felony.

Not all weird Christmas songs are so deviously written, though a lot of the ones that are about evil Santa, or zombie elves, or even a statement of Christmas hate, are too common to be novel. The writers of those types of songs were trying so hard to be different that they ended up being more of a clone than most Star Wars characters.

The following list of a baker’s dozen is full of weird songs which can hit you in the gut without making you lose your gingerbread cookies.

1. Weird Al – “Christmas At Ground Zero”. This is only a little weird. If you heard it in the background, you would probably dismiss it as only another holiday tune. The theme and the lyrics will get you laughing though. If my neighbors are going to go caroling, I wish they’d sing this one.

2. Feet – “Vegetarian Christmas”. Bizarre in many ways. To heighten the weirdness, check out the YouTube video.

3. Tiny Tim – “White Christmas”. You’ve got to love his warbling.

4. Fishbone – “It’s A Wonderful Life (Gonna Have A Good Time)”. Too much fun for one title, they had to give it two.

5. No Doubt – “Oi To The World”. Try NOT to chant oi with them.

6. Kurtis Blow – “Christmas Rappin’”. The original. This one tends to be even more fun as time goes on.

7. Fountains of Wayne – “I Want An Alien For Christmas”. Don’t take my word for it. Go listen.

8. Mystery Science Theater 3000 – “Patrick Swayze Christmas”. This one is truly weird, and difficult for me to hear more than once.

9. White Stripes – “Candy Cane Children”. Fun, in the vein of the White Stripes.

10. Yello – “Jingle Bells”. Basically just a remake of “Oh Yeah”, this is kind of creepy if you listen too long.

11. Sonic Youth – “Santa Doesn’t Cop Out On Dope”. A spoken song, it’s about how Santa doesn’t do drugs.

12. Da Yoopers – “Rusty Chevrolet”. It’s important that the radio is okay.

13. Beach Boys – “Little Saint Nick”. Like Yello, the Beach Boys seem to have wanted to make everyone all too familiar with the sound. This is only “Little Deuce Coupe” reworked into a Christmas jingle.

Merry Christmas, music lovers!

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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