At-home Exercise

After all of the Christmas parties and feasting, you’re going to feel extremely bloated. You’ll look in the mirror and think you’re fat. Probably not true. Maybe you’ve gained some weight, but it’s most likely manageable at this point.

Most people aren’t very good at judging themselves. The slimmest woman will tell you she feels fat, and you’ll wonder more at her mental state than her physical state. For sure, what we can’t disagree with is how someone feels, so just silently agree, make no comment, and walk away. Even though you can more accurately judge someone’s physical state than they can, it’s best not to. Unless you’re a doctor, you shouldn’t be telling anyone how out of shape they are. If you’re not sure about yourself, whether you’re really in danger of becoming obese, or if you should start an exercise routine, you should consult a physician. Let them do the judging for a minute.

Judge your own self and keep smiling, knowing you’re probably wrong.

After checking yourself in that mirror, if you were thinking, “I’m going to make a New Year Resolution to go to the gym,” stop thinking that way. There are far too many people who waste money on gym memberships. We learned a lot during the recent pandemic, and one thing we learned is that gyms are unnecessary. They were shut down and the masses realized there’s a lot you can do outdoors. It’s free and you can get away from other people. Treadmills in a crowded gym are far inferior to running and walking outside away from the crowds. Recumbents and other stationary bikes are like the retarded step-cousins to a real bike you can ride outside. Ride that bike up a dirt trail just as Orville and Wibur Wright intended.

Another reason not to join a gym is because of how unclean they are. Due to the worry over viruses spreading, many gyms are now using harmful chemicals such as ADBACs (Alkyl Dimethyl Benzyl Ammonium Chlorides) which are effective at killing viruses, but are not meant for humans to ingest. These chemicals have proven harmful to humans in many tests, and are often labeled with a recommendation not to use them on food preparation surfaces. In fact, the recommended application process is to wear gloves, apply the ADBAC, allow it a short moment to kill any viruses which might be on the surface you are treating, then rinse the surface liberally with water. How many gyms are there that provide water for rinsing, or even gloves? They usually have the ADBAC-soaked wipe available, or a spray bottle with the chemical in it and a rag; no gloves, no rinse.

Understandably, January weather in the northern hemisphere can make an indoor gym seem more appealing. Still, there are a lot of things you can do at home for a fraction of the cost of a gym membership.

The following is a sample exercise routine you can do without any equipment for only a few short minutes in your home:

  1. Run in place for 5 minutes.
  2. Stretch: arms, legs, torso.
  3. Pushups x 10
  4. Situps x 10
  5. Squats x 10
  6. Lunges x 10
  7. Pushups x 20
  8. Situps x 20
  9. Squats x 20
  10. Lunges x 20
  11. Pushups x 30
  12. Situps x 30
  13. Squats x 30
  14. Lunges x 30
  15. Pushups x 20
  16. Situps x 20
  17. Squats x 20
  18. Lunges x 20
  19. Pushups x 10
  20. Situps x 10
  21. Squats x 10
  22. Lunges x 10

If at the end of this you aren’t feeling very fatigued, start over and do it again (and good job—you’re in fair shape). On the other hand, if you feel fatigued in the middle anywhere, do a little less and work your way up to this workout over the course of days. Don’t hurt yourself. For instance, if running in place for 5 minutes is too long for your endurance, try running in place for 2 minutes and increasing the time gradually each day.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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