Strange Fun

For a fun bit of strangeness, try referring to yourself in the third person for a whole day.

Let’s say your name is Justine. Whenever you can, even and especially when speaking with other people, make reference to yourself like so: “Justine is hungry, she needs breakfast. And no, Justine doesn’t need coffee to wake up. She’s more powerful than that.”

“Justine is going to work, and she’s going to be on time today.”

“Oh no, she doesn’t like this kind of music. Watch Justine change the music settings on her phone without taking her eyes off the road.”

“If only Justine had more paper in the printer now, she could finish this report.”

“Justine is too mature to photocopy her hind parts, at least today anyway.”

Or say your name is Gavin.

“He’s a swell fella, that Gavin. Swell enough to know what’s hip and now.”

“Gavin doesn’t have a rhyme in his head. That’s why he never writes poetry.”

“When Gavin grows up, he wants to be a stocker. He doesn’t get it when he tells people that and they cringe. What’s wrong with wanting to be a stocker in a grocery store?”

Or maybe you’re not a Gavin or a Justine. Maybe you’re a Rico.

You might say, “Rico is up in the rizness.”

“No way will Rico give up now. He’s gone too far to quit. That’s right, Rico is flirting with smoke.”

“Rico gotta get his own one chip challenge.”

“If Rico hears ‘Suave’ one more time, heads will roll.”

“Rico thinks his family tree is so hot it burned down.”

Sure people will think you’ve lost your mind. They might even call medical on you. But at least for a while you’ll have some fun.

Wolverine Love

Why do we love Wolverine so much?

He’s one of the X-Men, so he’s part of an iconic team. That’s part of why we love him.

There are lots of reasons we shouldn’t. He stinks, he’s stubborn, he’s violent. He’s 5 feet 3 inches tall, maybe 5 foot 4 inches depending on who you’re asking. Either of which heights would make him unlikeable, right? You’re not supposed to like a hero who is short. Never mind that he has that hygiene problem, if he’s shorter than 6 feet, he’s a freak of nature. That’s only one of the counts against Wolverine, or as his mother liked to call him, Logan. Another strike against him is that he’s ultra-overweight for his height, because he weighs like 300 pounds. Short, overweight, with bad hygiene and a matching attitude, it’s a mystery how he’s a hero to anyone.

And yet…it could be that much of his charm is in the fact that he’s imperfect. He has anger issues, no trust for anyone in authority, and a bad habit of smoking cigars.

Wolverine would have to be something of a masochist, or at the very least have a high tolerance of pain. Showing off his blades would be painful every time he did it. And as far as prejudices go, masochist prejudice offends no one. Yet here we are, still revering this self-punishing character, after all these years, instead of holding a prejudice against him.

Probably we see ourselves in him. We see someone who does things right, when possible, but most of the time does things that are stupid and pig-headed and selfish. He’s impulsive—but so are we. He’s awnry and rude—but who isn’t?

Enough about his faults though, we know he also has quality in his character. He’s loyal, even if only to some. He has determination to spare. When he sets out to do something—to accomplish a task—he follows through. Sabertooth (a larger, less intelligent version of Wolverine) can’t stop Wolverine when he’s determined. He has keen senses: sight, hearing, smell; which may not be considered virtuous, but neither are his heightened senses a fault. The heightened senses become virtuous when we see how he uses them. He uses them to help other people.

Right there is the biggest reason we, the fans of Wolverine, like him so much. He’s someone to have helping you. He’s someone to have on your side. For a few, he’s someone to emulate, and maybe for a few others, he’s someone they’d like to be.

Tradition Sans Smog

Salty Stew, the Rocky Mountain groundhog, tried to account for smog in his prediction, but it didn’t work. The sun cut right through the smog. Without any clouds for a thousand miles, Salty Stew’s shadow was all too prominent.

If you’re wondering how this superstitious tradition works, it goes as follows: the sign of the shadow means 6 weeks of winter weather remains for the season, while a cloudy morning without a groundhog shadow means an early spring.

Now, some of us like snow. Some people even enjoy change in the climate. Still others prefer the same predictable weather patterns. This last group often wishes it was the same season all year.

As for Salty Stew, the groundhog, he would much rather see an early warming cycle, Spring, because he knows the longer the winter, the more likely he is to become what his name implies.

Cold people want warm food.

Epidemiology

There’s a skill I think everyone should have, and this skill is tied inseparably to epidemiology.

One way to illustrate the skill, is through alcoholism. If people who drink alcohol are healthy, does that fact mean drinking alcohol is healthy, or does it mean people who are healthy will take risks, such as imbibing something known to kill brain cells?

Another example is the recent and continuing controversy over what flavor green Skittles should be. The company decided to swap the flavors back and forth (lime to apple, apple to lime). Far too many questions could be asked about this, so let’s simplify the situation. Let’s say the company made the initial change without any research or customer input. Let’s also say the company noticed a steady decline in sales. Then they decided to return to the original flavor. Regardless of the new sales count, did the drop in sales have anything to do with the new flavor, or was the cause the change itself? According to their customers, the new flavor is now desirable (hence the continuing controversy), so probably the decline was due to the unwanted change.

By now the skill I alluded to in the beginning should be obvious. It’s the skill of recognizing a true cause and a true effect. Sometimes, in our minds, we transpose the two. We end up looking at the cause as if it was the end result.

Other times we look at a cause, and it seems logical, but it’s still not the real cause. In times such as this we might be attributing a cause that fits our bias. We jump on the first cause we hear, or the most common, or even the one our school teacher taught us. Beware the bias.

One other thing to be aware of is our potential to be influenced. We succumb to peer pressure. We fear the derision of the crowd. Or we simply fall for faulty logic. Whichever the reason, we can be influenced, sometimes right, and sometimes wrong.

How to gain the skill of recognition is the same as the one to relieve you of the burden of peer pressure. It requires you to be more skeptical, even a little bit cynical. You have to be able to hear a statement touted as fact and take it as not fact until proven otherwise.

This isn’t a skill to pick up overnight. It requires a lot of practice before you start to get good at it. Practice now. Go back to the top of this article and doubt everything I told you. Fact check. Ask a friend. Find out for yourself what is true, and what isn’t.

Cryptozoology

Never have I seen Bigfoot flying in a UFO, but it makes sense that he would.

How else would he avoid being spotted by the majority of humans living on the planet?

“The majority of humans” also happen to be the majority of animal life on land. Oh, hold on now. Of course, that could be a possibility too…

Maybe Bigfoot has himself a submarine to keep himself away from humans. I mean, mankind is in the ocean a fair amount, though not nearly as populace as on land. Hmmm.

One problem with this idea is that the Sasquatch, the Yeti, these are legends originating from inland peoples. Far inland. So far from anywhere the big guy might want to park his submarine, he would be a long time traveling on foot to get back to it.

Then again, this is BIGfoot we’re talking about, so maybe he has a longer stride than most would imagine.

The next question would have to deal with how he obtained said submarine. Could he be an engineer and a mechanic, as well as an avid hiker? Did he borrow the sub from someone? Did he make his own? Does he also have a year’s supply of canned ham on board? I’ve heard that’s traditional sub food. Does he have SCUBA gear too?

These are the things I’m going to ask him when I meet him.

And when I learn his language.