Recently, I was caught up in the vortex of a Writer’s Digest article. It promised a smattering of literary agents and contact info for the same.

As I was perusing, I noticed each and every one of them had pronouns next to his or her name.

Cute, I thought, but unnecessary.

First off, the only reason I would use a pronoun is when I’m talking about someone behind their back. Generally, I try not to do that. The only thing that comes to mind immediately is if I was using an example, like so: His profile picture made him look like an underfed clown.

I definitely wouldn’t send an email with he or she in the text. Could you imagine getting an email written to you but referring to you in third person?

“Would he like to represent me? Recent works are attached to this email for his reading judgment.”


“Her interests are my interests. She likes sci-fi, and I like sci-fi.”

Comes off a bit on the creepy side, don’t you think?

It reminds me of Golem.

Anyway, I wasn’t impressed with any of the agents listed. For one thing, all the pronouns chosen were the same. Nothing wrong with being honest. However, my creativity radar was on the lookout for an agent with the sense to throw a smart-ass pronoun in there, for good measure. You know, like…


And the kind of agent I’m looking to represent me would follow it with a prime example.

“Who? you say. He whom doth enlighten with erudite epigrams.”

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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