You don’t have it all.
If you thought you did, then you need to listen to this: In the country of Belize, they have a Sports Psychic. The Sports Psychic can predict how your favorite team or athlete will perform in the next game or the next competition. Using occult knowledge and resources like astrology or bones, the general cast of the game will be predicted.
This is not new. The Romans used similar technics to try to guess the health of their sacrificial Christian competitors and the comparative health of the hungry lions in the same arena. Back then, the Romans did not call it a “Sports Psychic,” rather the job was referred to as Maleficus, sometimes as Incantator, and, if the person was wrong much of the time, then it was Altera Victima (next victim).
Today though, we don’t send lions in after our volleyball teams to see how many survive before the lion is full. We don’t make swim teams swim through pools of poisonous jellyfish and then ask the “Magus” to predict who will complete a lap. We let the muscles and the steroids decide.
However, if you want to add the aspect of the psychic arts to your spectating experience, look no further than the Sports Psychic.
And now imagine how the Sports Psychic could improve any sport. The Sports Psychic could consult with your losing team and convince them it’s not their lack of skill which is keeping them down but the fact that they all wear the same color of socks on the Thursday after a Jupiter moon syzygy. If only they’d change their socks, they might begin to win.
Perhaps the Sports Psychic could align the appropriate spirits to get Tiger Woods back in action. Who knows but the Sports Psychic could predict conditions on the mountain for mountain bikers, line out the days for fishermen to catch the best fish, predict the big waves for surfers, or even tell us if Razer will win another robot battle soon.
***Gilroy “Press” Cadogan, the Sports Psychic, can be found on Facebook and 7 News Belize.***
Xenosthesia.com 