Good News

robot

Many of us wonder when we’ll be replaced with a robot. We worry that our job is too easy, that it can be automated. Jobs of the past have been systematically made simpler by machines, right? First the industrial revolution replaced whole crews of men with massive hydraulic systems and diesel-burning engines. Now the technology age is ready to fit job descriptions of every kind with the automaton of the day. The good news here is that the NFL will soon have robots playing football. These robots will not need to be drug-tested, paid, or fitted with padding and helmets. Concussion injuries will be a thing of the past. They won’t need practices or a physical therapist. They won’t need a mental health therapist either. In fact, there may even be a function built in to these robots that makes them only take a knee in the end zone, and then only if they’ve actually completed a touchdown. No more political statements to dull up the pre-game. These robots will always stand on the sidelines—they won’t need to sit, unless they’re being repaired. They won’t really need a coach on the sidelines, unless you consider a 21 year old computer programmer a coach—and even then, the “coach” could do the job from anywhere in the world. And of course, as you probably already guessed, the “coach” will be the one who gets paid millions, not the players. Bring it on!! Bring on the future! I can hardly wait.

Learning, Book Covers

I love learning the art of anything, whether it’s cycling, or writing, or photography. Or keeping yourself out of the downward spiral of litigation. And of course, when I learn things, I feel obliged to share. One thing I learned recently is that many lawyers dislike law suits as much as their clients. Apparently they dream of a better job. The other thing I learned recently is that it can be a long process to put together a book cover. You want it to be relevant to the book. You want it to catch the eye of the book buyer. You want it to be free of any copyrighted content such as a photo that came from an unreliable source. I learned that there are photographers out there who put their photos on the infonet without any indication of copyright (are they not legally obligated to do so?) and wait to catch someone using it—then they sue the user. Fortunately, I didn’t learn this the hard way, and hopefully you won’t either. One way to ensure nothing will ruin your ride is if you take the photos yourself. Another is to find sites that release photos that are not sole property of any one person. Still another is to hire an artist to create the book cover for you, straight out of their imagination. Think of this knowledge as putting on the helmet before you go for that ride. Ride, and write, safely!

Mommy, Where Do Zombies Come From?

dusty spores

As every child who has ever asked there momma knows, zombies come from spores. Spores are little, bad gobs of dusty fuzz that cling to the following: the undersides of plants, chewed up gum on the sidewalk, dried up mushrooms, carbon dioxide molecules, socks, and of course in the vapor of an electronic cigarette. With every gust of wind, or careless step of a traveler, the spores are released from their hiding places and sent to the air around us where they are breathed in by unwary and unlucky souls. Whoever breathes in this toxic dust will first act as if they’ve been drinking with slurred speech and lowered inhibitions, then soon after they will start to search for brains. This is because the spores will be consuming the infected individual’s brain, turning them into a zombie, and so he, or she, will have a sudden urge to find brains elsewhere. So, keep your eyes out for those around you who appear to be searching for something they no longer have—and watch your step!

A Wistful List

flying

What you should do sometime in your life:

Get grass stains on your knees.

Grow your own food.

Learn to swim.

Learn to ride a bike.

Learn to fly.

Get kissed.

Get dumped.

Hear a joke that makes you laugh so hard you cry.

Tell a joke that makes somebody laugh really loud.

Believe in a mystery.

Solve a riddle.

Fall in love.

Lose a pet.

Defend someone who is unpopular.

Smell the rain coming from a mile away.

Smell a rose.

Write a list of wistful things. (Such as this one.)

The Authentic Writer

funnykitten

AND WHAT MAKES YOU A WRITER? Symptoms of being a writer are these: You’re always writing something, whether it’s a list, stream of consciousness prose, a song, a poem, a novel, a screenplay, and/or graffiti on a wall. You can’t possibly use all the ideas for stories that you have. You love the smell of stationery and stationery stores, paper, pens, printers, and sharpened pencils. You’re always mulling over something you’ve written, editing it from all angles. You can’t help but read everything you see with words on it (repeatedly, such as that sign that you’ve read over and over again even though you KNOW what it says, or the cover of the Reader’s Digest that sits on the back of the toilet–your eyes refuse to avoid it). You love words and languages, and you know multiple phrases in multiple languages. You’re critical but progressive–you may change your harsh opinions of some things once you see the beauty of them. It’s likely that you have a pet—and if you’re a stereotypical writer, it’s a cat. Regardless of that last jab, you love cat pictures. You can see the beauty of less than desirable things like blotty pens, old books, and ancient word processors. You have haunted, and shall always haunt, libraries (though you would probably arrange the books by a different method than the present one). And you love the sounds of a typewriter; that cadence of tiny hammers and the ratcheting sound of the carriage return is pure bliss to you.