It Starts With Someone

It starts with someone.

In France there’s a cultural norm to regard corn as food fit only for swine. Humans don’t eat it—or rather, the French don’t eat it. Other cultures around the world have a different standard for corn. The French however, maintain that corn belongs to the pigs. If you happen to visit France, and you have a love of corn, don’t expect to find it in any restaurants or markets.

How the French came to this view of the starchy vegetable called corn, I don’t know. My suspicion is that there was only one guy. In my imagination he’s an old, stodgy Frenchman named Greilleaux (pronounced “gree-o”). Greilleaux had an issue with opinions, and the issue was that he didn’t care for anyone else’s. His were most important to him, so he stuck with them. His opinion of corn was that it was not food. He never wanted to see it on his plate. He didn’t even want to smell it cooking. Because he was so stubborn with his opinion, other people came to follow his lead. “Corn is for swine,” became a chant, of sorts. People went out to restaurants and spurned anything with corn in it, on it, or near it. They, like Greilleaux, weren’t having any of it. The stubborn chant passed from village to village until it spanned the country.

Similar things have happened elsewhere around the world.

In India, there is a tradition of considering the cattle of the pasture as if they were ancestors. “I will not eat my mother cow,” said a lone woman from Mumbai named Aangrilu. Her voice was sweet and her rice dishes were sweeter, so people tended to listen to her. It wasn’t long before everyone in Mumbai refused to have a barbecue, refused to even think of beef jerky, and wouldn’t dare wear a leather jacket. For fear of angering Aangrilu, and for fear of being a social outcast, the Mumbaites let the wave of opinion flow over their culture. Like the cultural wave in France, the wave in India didn’t stop in one city, it washed across the entire country. It was a cultural norm which McDonald’s could never infiltrate. The cows were happier though.

In Japan, it took only one driver to show off with a drift, and now everyone does it. People don’t drive to the grocery store in Japan—they drift.

In America, there’s a cultural norm of carrying either a gun in their sock or a switchblade in their waistband. Why they don’t just use their pockets is a mystery.

In Hawaii, they hang a necklace of flowers called a lei, around everyone’s neck. Actually, that tradition didn’t take over any countries, so just like, uh, never mind that one.

In Mexico, it took only one smart mother to slap a hat with a wide brim on her son so he wouldn’t get sunburnt, and the cultural norm of the sombrero was born. Now it’s culturally uncool to go anywhere without a sombrero in Mexico. The only exception to the rule is if your sombrero was a nacho sombrero and it was eaten all gone, then you have a valid excuse. In fact, if you’re ever in Mexico and you see someone without a hat, it’s safe to ask them, “Oh, did yours get eaten too?” They’ll answer you with a hearty, “Dios me salve de esta locura.” It means they like you.

Nacho hats, of course, are made of corn. Needless to say, you’ll never find a nacho sombrero in France, but as you’ve seen from the examples above, every cultural shift starts with someone.

Before It Was X

It’s rough on a mind to be the example of peace. People are so confused, and confusing. Everyone wants peace, but a few of them think they have to fight you to get it.

If I was interviewing an accountant, I would ask to see their credit card balance, and if it was anything other than zero, I’d say, “You’re an idiot, get out of here.”

Think I’ll try writing a novel. Think I’ll start it like this: There was a magnificent wedding. Unfortunately, there was a tornado. Fortunately, it was a money tornado.

I will endorse what I’ve been doing lately. It’s called “Outside” and it is amazing.

I think it’s hilarious that the word “wrong” is spelled with a W.

Monday Wifey: Do these leftovers smell good to you?Tuesday Me: I think I could wear this shirt again. Wifey: Ugh! Don’t smell that!

Pride is the peak of virtue signaling. Pride is why people don’t apologize. Pride is the reason people don’t give to the needy. Pride is boasting of excellence instead of showing it with beneficial actions.

Maybe I’m from another planet or something, but I could hear amazing stories about Chadwick Boseman for the rest of the year and nothing more about Trump. (31 August 2020)

Sorry, all the opinions have run together. What was yours again?

Kim Jong Un is in a coma? Just 2 months ago he was dead. N. Korea is a rookie at the fake news game.

Love the phrase: He died doing what he loved. Oh, really? He loved falling head-first off a cliff onto sharp rocks below? Such a weird hobby.

When I was a kid, if we were digging, we would say we were digging to Australia. Do kids in Australia say they’re digging to America?

I remembered someone’s name 3 days after I saw them. Said it out loud—for effect.

Not once have I found appetizing any Mexican food with “Del” or “Bell” or “Toro” or “Perro” in the brand name.

I saw a little Chevy driving ahead of me yesterday and I saw the model name SPANK. “SPANK?! What a weird name for a car.” Got a bit closer…SPARK.

I asked my cat, “Don’t you ever shave your face?” No wonder he doesn’t have a job.

When Twitter Turned To X

Photo by Jean Paul Montanaro on Pexels.com

Why do construction crews wait ‘til everyone’s asleep to start digging up Mother Earth?

It’s no coincidence that gravy and gravity are almost the same word.

 Learned something difficult to believe today. Joe Pesci (the guy from Home Alone, Goodfellas) once played music with Jimi Hendrix. What?!

Gave my kid a haircut today. Asked him if he wanted Thor Avengers Assemble, or Thor Ragnarok.

I’ve tried to do the thankful thing but each time the word feast comes with a side of sarcasm.

A V8 can make a dull sandwich taste like a gourmet sandwich.

One way to know if a man is lying: ask his mother.

There are about 600 million cats in the world, but 900 million dogs. Why does it feel like the dogs need to answer for the difference in numbers?

Me: All our needs are met with cold cereal and comic books. My child, wiser than me: And Jesus.

Amazing Music

Music is amazing.

Music is eternal and temporary all at once.

Eternal because it will live in memory forever. A song can outlast the most familial memory. Some people remember their children’s names by remembering songs. Other people even name their children after a song, their favorite song. And then there are those who name their pets after songs, or even artists, they like. There are many dogs currently out there named Gaga and Swift.

Temporary?

How a piece of music is temporary varies with each style of recording. For instance, with vinyl, the process of listening is performed by dragging a diamond needle across plastic. Diamonds can cut glass. It only makes sense that the vinyl would eventually be worn down to nothing.

For cassette tapes, the tape is recorded magnetically and read magnetically. Listening involves dragging the tape over a piece of metal. Eventually the magnetic properties diminish.

In digital music, the code isn’t necessarily degradable, but the file storage is. Hard drives, USB drives, and SD cards are all made of degradable stuff. So, eventually….

The beautiful thing is, in everyone’s mind, there’re thousands of songs, right there where the music will never die.

Fit To Fly

Photo by Ozicab Racing on Pexels.com

Who should, and who should not, fly a flying car?

  1. The first qualification should be if someone is already a pilot. Having a current, up-to-date pilot’s license is a definite benefit for anyone wanting to fly a flying car. All the technics and experience will only add to the skill of a flying car pilot.
  2. The first disqualification may seem a bit off-topic, but it’s not. As you’ll see. It has to do with visibility. Anyone who partakes of “smokeless vapors” or “vape” should be disqualified. I’m sure every reasonable individual out there will see the reasoning for excluding anyone who would willfully reduce their own circle of visibility by spraying a mist of oil into the immediate vicinity of their face. If you can’t see, you can’t fly.
  3. Speaking of visibility, anyone who can drive a car well at night should be given good marks toward flying. Accurate eyesight in general is a benefit, though that doesn’t mean those who require eyesight correction of any kind should be excluded. On the contrary, correction of any kind should be smiled upon.
  4. Those who consistently run red lights should not be allowed to fly. Patience will be needed for take-offs and landings in particular, though other instances will crop up, such as traffic delays and mechanical issues. The convenience of much quicker commutes will only increase the impatience of those who are already impatient. Those who run red lights already show a disregard for other people’s lives. If they’re given access to flight, they will endanger those in the air AND those down below.
  5. The ability to identify landmarks will be a critical skill for those who fly. Granted, the flying will be lower and closer to the ground than airplanes fly, but it will still be useful to be able to find your way around by sighting down on familiar territory from an unfamiliar angle. Of course, a Global Positioning System is a wonderful asset. GPS should never be the only method for navigation.
  6. Another exclusion regarding people’s driving habits should regard the habit of driving with lights on—in the daytime. This shows that the person driving is oblivious to how the machine they’re operating works. This sort of disconnection would be a hazard for those who fly. Anyone who flies should know how their vehicle works, how to repair it, and how to make it work better.
  7. A good skill to have will be the knowledge of weather and how different weather patterns affect flight.
  8. Age related reaction times will have to be taken into account. This doesn’t only mean the old. The young as well will need to be monitored, even excluded, until their reflexes are good enough for flying. If you’re one of those who can’t dodge an albatross, should you be flying a car over everyone’s head?
  9. Knowledge of redundancy and its benefits on a marvel of engineering will be a boon for anyone wanting to fly. Redundancy will be necessary for safety features, so those who can comprehend this will have a better chance.
  10. Mental illness restricts people from buying a gun. It should restrict them from operating a flying car also.
  11. Anyone who can build their own should be allowed to fly it.
  12. If someone builds their own and wants to fly it, but they have one of the disqualification traits above, they should be restricted on where they can fly it.
  13. Lack of self-respect should be a consideration against. For instance, anyone with a PhD in Marketing will be a questionable candidate for a pilot. For another instance, anyone who eats at Del Taco, has a dubious amount of self-esteem. This could lead to other problems while flying. (See #10 above.)
  14. Those who eat healthy will have an advantage over those who do not.

For more on flying, check out Flying Dream, the new novel.