Hacked

The world is my oyster.

You see this block of text? I could put literally anything here. Funny stories. Interesting statistics. Blatant lies. I could unapologetically plagiarize the Gettysburg Address, or the Q’uran, or something.

The possibilities are limitless. That’s an exciting prospect.

Especially for my college-level son who found my blog open and started click-clacking away on my keyboard. He confessed to all sorts of crimes I didn’t commit. He also put a bunch o’ weird typos and stylistic choices in my ‘blog. Pretty sure he put some AI stuff in there, too. Would you like me to rewrite it more concisely? Let me know.

The worst part, without question, is that he renamed all my bluetooth devices. My stereo is now called “Upstairs Alexa.” My headphones he named “Sink Disposal.”

I can’t find my phone anywhere, but I’m too afraid to connect to “FBI Surveillance Van” to find it. That one might be real.

Funny slang

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Some funny slang I picked up last time I was in Flin Flon, Canada:

Angel grass—Christmas tree tinsel, also known as snake mirrors

Brain bucket—a bike helmet or a motorcycle helmet

B.C.—birth control (anything unattractive)

Betty—skeleton key

Bomber—a cool leather jacket, someone who rides downhill really fast, or even the actual trail which provides the fast downhill

Cherry—someone who is a bit naive; also anything really new and beautifully unused

Duke—dookie, poop

Drag—to haul something slowly, to race cars, to dress up in clothes meant for the opposite gender, or a bad trip

Freak—someone who likes something too much

Get fresh—buy new clothes

Keester—butt

Kook—a strange person

Muggles—those who don’t know, outsiders

Oil burner—anything expensive

Pineapple—a bomb

Shovel—spoon

Spliff—anything that slows you down, or to fall hard

Spoon—shovel

Stalled—anyone who is not moving or moving really slow

Stone sucker—a total fool

Toilet—the head muck-a-muck’s office

Football

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I’m a mountain biker. That fact doesn’t preclude or necessitate a dislike for football, whether it’s the North-American type about dudes in nylons slapping each other’s butts or the European/South-American kind with murderous, bloodthirsty fans. Being a mountain biker doesn’t mean you have to dislike football; however, because I’m an outsider, I’m in the perfect point to give you an outsider’s point of view. I’ve never painted a number on my chest or thrown a cash wager on a team. I’ve never gone to a stadium to watch the “action” up close. A few times I’ve enjoyed watching games on television or even local games in fields where the seating is whatever you brought, but I can tell you with definitive experience it’s much more fun to PLAY either type of football than to watch. Watching is the lowest form of any kind of sport, for sure. Watching any kind of football is like watching the Titanic sink—there’s an entertaining gurgle sometime between beginning and end—but the end is just sad. People paid for tickets, you know what I mean? One thing I absolutely love about North-American football is that fans wearing Raiders gear are the equivalent of punk rock fans wearing Misfit t-shirts. Some are all dark and brooding, super serious about their fanaticism. Others are just wearing it because they truly like the band/team. And don’t forget the street cred, dude!

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Birthday Cards

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In 2025 I roped my family into sending everyone we could, in our extended family, birthday cards. It didn’t involve store-bought cards, though. Instead, we made our own and wrote a personal note in each card. We found an old Calvin and Hobbes book at the library surplus sale. We bought it for one American dollar and cut strips out to put in each card. For each person, we tried to pick comics they might enjoy, so each card was personalized in that way as well.

It was a satisfying exercise, with only a little bit of arts and crafts necessary. We used colored construction paper, Sharpies, and a little clear tape. About half way through the year, we realized taping the comics inside the card was totally unnecessary, so we ceased that operation.

The whole process wasn’t too difficult, though parts of the process were challenging. If there were birthdays with a long time in between, then it was challenging to make sure we didn’t forget. A couple of times during the year we noticed someone’s birthday was coming up soon and we had to rush the card. Two days was the limit for in-town deliveries. One time we were late enough we had to take the card to the person ourselves. None were late, fortunately, even the out-of-town ones. Another challenge was being consistent, so no one in the same family got more or less than anyone else in the same family.

After one year of that, I can say I would do it again, but not this year. I need a break.

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Ready Kit

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A ready kit is a good thing to have in case of nearly any emergency. Floods, fires, and earthquakes are often not what kill people. It’s lack of preparedness. If you happen to survive a major calamity, wouldn’t it be sad to die of starvation afterward? To die of an infected scrape on your knee would be the ultimate insult to hardiness. Just a few items could be all it takes to ensure your survival—after you’ve already survived the catastrophe.

Although the above is dramatic, there is some truth in it. Often, the emergency is less than catastrophic, so the chances of survival are much greater. Even if the emergency situation is not so wide-spread and disastrous, having a kit can make life much more bearable until things transition back to normal.

How to make a Ready Kit:

Sustainable Food and Water (usually canned food and bottled water)

First Aid kit

Hygiene items

Flashlight

Pocket knife

Mess kit

Whistle

Matches/lighter

Mirror

Fishing pole

Toilet paper

Battery-operated radio

Phone charger

Work gloves

Safety glasses

Safety masks

Portable stove

Extra clothes

Writing materials

Camera

Personal identification