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How to play Sudoku Dungeons

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The object is to survive the entire puzzle grid. Start at the top left corner and work your way down to the bottom right corner by going back and forth, left and right, as you reach each side. In other words, travel left to right on the first row, then go right to left on the second row, and left to right again on the third row, repeating this pattern all the way down. If done properly on a 9×9 sudoku, you should travel through every square and end at the bottom right corner.

Items you will need to play: A pen or a pencil, a set of dungeon dice, and a sudoku grid.

Start with 10 HP (hit points) and 2 XP (experience points).

Along the way, you can trade 5 XP for 1 HP, as needed.

Blank spaces = +1 XP each, as you land on them.

The numbers 1 through 9 represent weapons, shields, foes or traps. To determine what a number represents, roll the octahedron (8-sided die).

1 and 2 = weapon.

3 and 4 = shield.

5 and 6 = foe.

7 and 8 = trap.

Let the number (1-9) within the square be the HP, or strength of the weapon, shield, foe or trap.

For weapons, shields, and foes, roll a 20-sided die (icosahedron) to determine what it is.

1-7 = knife (weapon), bracer (shield), or gremlin (foe).

8-14 = short sword (weapon), target (shield), or gorgon (foe).

15-20 = battle axe (weapon), pavise (shield), or dragon (foe).

If you fall in a trap however, roll the 6 sided die (a.k.a. cube). Even numbers—you escape undamaged. Odd numbers—the trap does its damage—subtract the number in the square from your total HP. Gain 1 XP for escaping.

To battle a foe, trade HP straight across, one for one, using shield, weapon, and personal HP as you desire. Once all the HP is depleted, the game is over for that object/player. For instance, if you had a bracer with 5 HP, and were battling a gremlin of 5 HP, the shield and the gremlin would cancel each other.

Happy New Robot Year!

The new lunar year starts on the 17th and, according to the Chinese Zodiac, it’s the year of the robot horse. Where’s yours? Do you have a robot horse? Do you even have a robot?

If not, it’s time you started asking for one. How else are you going to get your own robot? Certainly not by sitting there quietly. Go to your nearest market that seems likely to sell robots and demand that they start putting them in stock. The more people who make this demand, the more likely we are to get robots everywhere.

We need robot horses. We need robot dogs. We need robot cats, for sure, because we could program them to actually do things for people (I mean, of course, besides the obvious benefit of mousers, who keep the mouse population in check).

Thank you, mouse-catching cats!

Speaking of mice, it might be a good idea to invent a robot mouse which would zip around the floor to teach cats, real cats, to chase after mice. Any cats unclear on the concept could be trained to get up and give chase, instead of giving up the chase. We could invent a fake mouse hole for the robot mouse to dive into and get away from the cat. That would preserve our robot mouse and encourage the cat to try harder.

All of this would be educational for the cat and entertaining for the rest of us.

Cats, dogs, mice, and horses are not the limit. There are many other animals. Choose your own favorite. What kind of animal would you like to see as a robot?

10 Greatest U.S. Presidents

U.S. Presidents wax and wane in popularity over the years. Once a president gets in the top ten, though, they tend to stay there. Take the number one spot, for instance. Abraham Lincoln has occupied that spot for over fifty years. That doesn’t mean others can’t get there. It’s just amazing that he is incumbent for the top of the top ten. It’s amazing, but not unbelievable. His occupation of the spot as the most popular U.S. President is for good reason. He was the one who finally made America free. The country was only holding that ideal in principle rather than in practice until Lincoln proclaimed that everyone was to be free.

Because of his popularity in reality, he’s also gained popularity in pop culture, gaining a legend status in comic books, novels, and films. He’s Honest Abe. He’s a vampire hunter. His profile is on the penny, which was recently discontinued, but not to worry, his face is still on the 5$ bill. He’s a righteous dude, and a towering giant. These things all make him legend, and of course increase his popularity.

John F. Kennedy, sometimes referred to as only JFK, had a short stint in the presidency. It was long enough to endear people to him. Everyone loves a mystery. His was potentially the most mysterious of all presidencies. People love him because he was taken from them.

George, number three on the list, is our fierce first president, a warrior of a man, who helped birth and raise the country. He’s known as a forefather and General George Washington.

Of the others, there are obvious reasons why they are popular with the masses, and not so obvious reasons. Some were wartime presidents. Some were presidents when monumental events in history happened. The monumental events make them more memorable. The following list shows the order of the most popular U.S. presidents.

Abraham Lincoln
John F. Kennedy
George Washington
Barack Obama
Theodore Roosevelt
Ronald Reagan
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Thomas Jefferson
Harry S. Truman
Dwight D. Eisenhower

Creepy Creatures

This week’s brain trip comes from the mind of my odd friend Percival Popadakoulis, who is obsessed with mythical creatures. We all know about the Loch Ness monster and Bigfoot, and if you spoke with Percy, you might learn new facts about even those commonly-known creatures or you might not. The great thing about him, though, is that he doesn’t stop at lesser-known facts about commonly-known creatures. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of the weirdest mythical creatures. I say “mythical” because I have to admit I’m a skeptic. I usually love to hear about sightings, though I don’t believe every story. The stories Percy tells are completely off the farm. At times these stories are creepy, and at other times they are totally frightening. With that warning, you can decide to either read on or not. You decide.

One of the creepiest, weirdest stories told are of the Ahool. This is a flying creature with a massive wingspan. It has been sighted by multiple people over the years, but most of all—heard—by multiple people over the years. Its name comes from the sound it makes. Descriptions range from a winged gorilla to a giant bat.

Another one, which I don’t find so weird, is the story of the Menehune. These creatures seem more possible than most. They are supposedly a race of tiny people who lived exclusively in Hawaii. Their size is reportedly no more than 3 feet tall. Giants have been recorded throughout history, so why not tiny people? These particular people, unlike the warrior Goliath of history, were hard workers. The Menehune would work overnight and build things which the Hawaiian people found when they woke up in the morning. This is part of their legend because the Hawaiian people would say the work was magical. Kind of like the elves who help Santa? Hmmm.

As far as frightening mythical creatures go, I feel like the scariest one is the Hidebehind. It is said to stalk lone travelers in the forest by lurking through the trees and sneaking up on their prey. Incredibly thin and tall, this predator can hide behind trees, making it difficult to see or photograph. It has been blamed for loggers who’ve disappeared in the Great Lake area of the U.S. for many years. Also, according to the legend, the Hidebehind can be thwarted by the smell of alcohol. Descriptions of the Hidebehind are incomplete, but to me, that only makes it more creepy.

The Slide-Rock Bolter is perhaps the strangest thing out of anyone’s imagination. It has been reported to cause rockslides. The creature has been described as a large whale-like thing with hooks for hands. It slides down the rockslide to grab its victim and climb back up the steep mountain with its hooks.

Places I’ve Never Been

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Lots of people want to know where Flin Flon is, so I say, “Look it up.”

Other places may be as interesting, if only judging by their clever names. I’ve never been to North Dakota, but Zap, North Dakota sounds like it could be thrilling, maybe even…electrifying?

Bald Head, Maine may not be as exciting as Zap, but it sounds funny—like a silly old man. That old man probably has a few jokes fresh enough to listen to for the first few tellings.

Two Egg, Florida is either a breakfast-loving town or a place that likes to produce birds.

Of course, there’s always Big Foot, Illinois for all of our cryptozoological needs. Let’s go there and see if we can spot some strange creatures. Do you want to go with me?

There’s one place I’ve never been that I really want to go check out, and that’s Boring, Maryland. Boring is the kind of name you give a town where lots of stuff is happening but you don’t want more people to show up.

The same tactic may be behind the naming of Okay, Oklahoma, but it may only be a play on the first two letters of the state’s name. Do you think it’s a swell place? Is it alright?

The place I’m not so sure about is Lawyersville, New York. It might be a great location for lawyers. However, it may not be a good town to visit if you fear being sued for all the ones in your wallet.

Ben Hur, Texas is probably super fun if you really enjoy chariot races. Or possibly if you really enjoy Charlton Heston movies. These are things which appeal to specific tastes. Much like Disco, Tennessee. Disco, Tennessee is probably where you could find the most mirrorballs in the world.

Speaking of tastes, there’s a Chocolate Bayou, Texas. What do you suppose they have there? Is there chocolate? Is there a bayou? Is there really chocolate in the bayou, or is it just brown water and so they decided to call it Chocolate?

Eclectic, Alabama has to be the best, doesn’t it? Possibly that one depends on the opinion of whoever made the selection.

Muck City, Alabama could be the worst, but somehow I don’t think so. It probably is really clean, but what would attract anyone to tourist there? I think I’ll go anyway to find out what a tourist might do.

The same might be said of Roachtown, Illinois. Could be nice, but what is there to see?

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t fit in, you might like Odd, West Virginia. You might say, “That’s my kind of town.” You never know until you try.

Then there’s Panic, Pennsylvania, with its constant urge to lose control. Who can resist?

If you’re still intrigued enough to go with me, our last stop will be Frankenstein, Missouri. On the other hand, it might be River Styx, Ohio. Whichever is our last, it’s going to be a fantastic journey visiting all these places with strange names.