Dare You To Lick It

If everyone jumped off a bridge…would the world be more empty? would everyone be more fun? would the bridge handle all that weight?

All I know is that jumping off a bridge sounds like fun, no matter who’s doing it.

I always want to know the specifics: how are they jumping? bungee? b.a.s.e. jump? diving into water? will I need a towel? how many people? will it be crowded? should I bring a lunch? is it a metaphorical jump? or is it for real? if it’s a metaphorical jump, will there still be real jumping involved? will there be snacks after? will there be trophies? best metaphorical bridge jumper? most stylish metaphorical bridge jumper? first place? if it’s for real, will there be motorized vehicles? motorcycles? mountain bikes? trains? is it all for charity? for a good cause? will someone there be named Pastrana? can we ask for autographs? how many practice runs will there be? if someone dies during a practice run, will the rest of the event be cancelled? will there be music? live, or recorded? will there be video? if I get wounded, can I ask for my portion of the video to be deleted? will there be medical persons nearby? if it’s a small cut, is someone sure to yell out, “dare you to lick it”? will it be that kind of crowd? if someone else gets wounded, can I yell out, “dare you to lick it”? if you lick your own blood, are you self-vampiric? if you take a dare, are you courageous because you did dare, or are you cowardly because you didn’t back down from the dare? if I figure out the answer to that last question…paint the philosopher title on the side of my bike.