Smart Off

Time for the first annual Smart Off, sponsored today by WordNerd, the language learning program that wisely teaches you all the cuss words before anything as common as “Hello.” So, “Hello,” all you bastardos apestosos. Welcome to the Smart Off, a challenge of witty proportions. Should you choose to participate, you’ll need to borrow a …

The day the magic school bus was frozen to the parking lot

It was the longest cold spell in Walkerville history. All the kids were excited that the schools were closed. All the kids, except the ones who were supposed to go on a field trip. Their bus was the only way they could get around to places like Hawaii and Pompeii. And why did they want …

The Secret Rules of Men

As a man, I am in a unique position to tell you some of the secret rules of men. One of the first rules to know about men is this: “Bigger is better.” For instance, a man wants a big truck. If some other man has a bigger truck than him, the man will make …

Hacked

The world is my oyster. You see this block of text? I could put literally anything here. Funny stories. Interesting statistics. Blatant lies. I could unapologetically plagiarize the Gettysburg Address, or the Q’uran, or something. The possibilities are limitless. That’s an exciting prospect. Especially for my college-level son who found my blog open and started …

Funny slang

Some funny slang I picked up last time I was in Flin Flon, Canada: Angel grass—Christmas tree tinsel, also known as snake mirrors Brain bucket—a bike helmet or a motorcycle helmet B.C.—birth control (anything unattractive) Betty—skeleton key Bomber—a cool leather jacket, someone who rides downhill really fast, or even the actual trail which provides the …