A Playlist for Weight Lifting

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Not too long ago I saw an article on a fitness web site that claimed to have a “manly” “get-your-pump-on” playlist. They claimed it was a great playlist for lifting weights. Featured were some seriously unmanly artists like Marshall Mathers and some other goofy kid with the last name Dogg that I’ve already forgotten. I’ll admit that human tastes run to every end of the musical spectrum. But here’s a clue for you: silence. What does silence mean? Especially when you show someone the error of their ways, which I tried to do in a comment on their site.

Silence, in this case, means they had no rebuttal to offer. Did they even look at my comment? I wonder. The only satisfaction I have is that there were no replies but mine when I left the site. There could have been some later, but I haven’t visited since. I must have been one of the first to see the article, and in defense of the web site, I so wanted for them to have some good suggestions. I clicked their link, didn’t I? They had me visiting their site, but then they let me down.

One of the other suggestions on the playlist they created was AC/DC. It stuck out like an elephant trying to hide among hippos. So here’s what I had to say about that.

“I find it interesting that your playlist contains both Eminem and AC/DC. These are complete opposites. Eminem even describes himself as ‘slim’ and ‘shady’, two words that describe turds really well. But none of his songs really get my ‘pump on’, if you know what I mean. I would use other words to describe his music: words like flaccid, querulous, and pusillanimous. AC/DC, on the other hand, I would describe with words like priapic, energetic, and yes even manly. Their music could be included in a pumping-iron playlist, though I might choose a whole different set of songs. I tried to listen to some of the selections you have on this list, but they made me feel like a nervous butterfly. How’s a nervous butterfly going to lift anything? Hells bells! next time warn me that your playlist is for children who don’t know the difference between Eminem and AC/DC.”

Okay, granted that might have come off a bit over the top critical, but they gotta understand, don’t they? Do you think they actually use their own playlist when they exercise, or were they just aiming for a demographic? If it’s the latter, then I hope some of that younger generation demographic reads my comment and understands those words I used. They’ll get the difference eventually. Sooner’s better than later, though.

Of course I’d be a fool and a hypocrite if I didn’t include my own preferred playlist. Feel free to criticize it. You know I would.

“Breakdown” by The Blackwater Fever

“Back to Shalla Bal” by Joe Satriani

“Voodoo Child (Slight Return)” by Jimi Hendrix

“Freedom of Expression (F.O.X.)” by Living Colour

“Mr. Surfer Goes Jazzin’ ” by The Brian Setzer Orchestra

“Grinder” by Big Black

“Mexicola” by Queens of the Stone Age

“Dialectic Chaos” by Megadeth

“Water” by ohGr

“Hey Man, Nice Shot” by Filter

“Sunburn” by ohGr

“Do the Evolution” by Pearl Jam

“It Ain’t Like That” by Alice in Chains

 

As a final note, I have a friend who gets his “pump on” every day. He’s huge. He would make a playlist containing only Slipknot songs. How do I know this? I asked him. He’s that guy you see at the gym lifting the entire weight stack. Anyway, I’m not saying that listening to Slipknot will make you huge. I’m not saying that the playlist I made here will get you pumped either. But I will say that you’ll get a lot more confident in your weight lifting with songs that were made by confident artists. Try to stay away from any music that uses the word “bitch” in it. That’ll shrink your wank like an old man in a saltpeter sponge bath.

Mountain Crest Trail

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My latest adventure involved, on average, 900 meters (3,000 feet) of elevation gain, topping out at about 2,900 meters above sea level.

I average this one out, because the signal isn’t great up there. We know the highest peak in the mountain range in that area is a little over 3,000 meters (10,000 feet) above sea level. The trail we ride travels the ridge line, but not with devotion, so a lot of the highest portions of the Crest Trail vary between 2,700 to 2,900 meters above sea level. If you convert that to feet, it’s between 9,000 to 9,700 feet above sea level. That’s a decent workout for your lungs. At that elevation your lungs struggle to capture the oxygen necessary for your muscles to do the work. (Did I just call it “work”? We spent four hours out there. I’m sure we were having fun.)

Even more challenging is the condition of the trail: Dry! The mountain hasn’t felt rain on its back for a few weeks.

The dust that gets kicked up makes it even harder to breathe. Usually, I’ll hang back a good distance if I’m following anyone. If you’re too close, you can’t even see the trail. If you’re even slightly farther back, you still get coated with dust. So I just pause, take a break, drink some water, let the guy or gal in front of me get ahead. Even with that tactic, by the end of the ride, my bike and I could blend in with the scenery almost perfectly. Natural camouflage.

At the beginning of this ride is a little section people lovingly call Puke Hill. It gives you a quick dose of elevation gain, and it’s a matter of pride to climb the hill all in one go, without putting a foot down on the ground. Lots of people have conquered the hill—and a lot of them have puked once they got to the top. Many people don’t make it without planting a foot, but that’s no big deal in comparison to making it through the rest of the ride with your mountain bike, and your body, in perfect order.

There’s another section that most riders refer to as The Spine. I’ve conquered it before, but this time I had to give it a second try. It’s fun to do the technical stuff. At least that’s my opinion. There are plenty of people who take the “easy” trail and avoid the technical. Either way is valid. You’re better off knowing your limitations than leaving the mountain in a helicopter or an ambulance. Have fun, but don’t kill or damage yourself.

Doesn’t that sound like an insurance disclaimer? “We won’t pay you if you are killed or damaged.”

If I can swing it, next time I do a mountain bike archive, I’ll post a picture of me jumping off The Spine.

(Not puking on Puke Hill.)

Get Fit

skateboar-1031585__480“Leave all the afternoon for exercise and recreation, which are as necessary as reading.” ~Thomas Jefferson

Exercise is a great way to develop good habits. Endorphins are the drug that the body produces when you exercise. Bad habits can be overturned and even eliminated when replaced with a good habit like regular exercise. Why not start now?

The summertime (for the northern hemisphere) is a great time to get out and see what kinds of sports you like. Where I live, practically every corner lot has a skateboard park. Every other corner has an outdoor basketball court. Some of the local fitness centers have tennis courts, running tracks (indoor and outdoor), swimming pools, racquetball courts, football fields and futbol fields, weight rooms and cardio rooms. Some of these require you to pay a fee, but a lot of them will only cost you the price of a ball, or maybe the price of a good pair of shoes. That sounds like a good price to me. Now is the time to check out a new sport.

If you feel like you’re an introvert, there are many non-team and non-competitive sports. You can try bouldering for an introduction to mountain climbing. Bouldering doesn’t require ropes or belaying partners. You can be shy and sporty. Or you could try biking. Biking gets you out to see the scenery, it’s not too hard on your joints, you can do it alone, and there isn’t much you need for equipment. Or you could try long-boarding. Long-boards are skateboards designed for downhill travel, mostly. They aren’t easy to push up a hill, so most people who ride them tend to shuttle or walk up hills and then ride down. Similar to the long-board is the paddle board. The paddle board is a sort of mock surf board that’s wide to help you balance on it. You can stand or kneel and paddle your way across a lake. Every once in a while at the lake I visit I see two people on a paddle board, but not often, so the introvert can be more comfortable. Or you can take your dog with you. Lots of people do that.

If you’re not so introverted, you can gather up a bunch of your friends and start a volleyball game, a soccer (aka futbol) game, baseball, softball, hockey, lacrosse, kick the can, jousting, water polo, paintball, go cart racing, jai alai, or even disc golf.

One of the main points I’m trying to make is that there are so many sports to play, I’m sure everyone on Earth could pick one that they enjoy. If you don’t enjoy one, try another. And I bet you haven’t tried them all yet. I dare you to go out and try a new one today. Don’t let Mister Jefferson down. Once you’ve read this archive post, then you’ve done your reading. Now leave your afternoon free for some endorphin-producing exercise.

 

A Nail?!

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Of course I was going to ‘barchive about something else today, but I had a minor mountain biking adventure and I just absolutely had to share it and stash it in the archive. Especially with this picture. Can you see that? The nail actually went through twice?

Life is an adventure. Make sure you take pictures.

Here’s how it went down: So I was just doing my usual morning commute. It’s only three miles from home to work. It actually takes me the same amount of time to ride as it does to drive, because of traffic lights and other obstacles to driving. I love the Earth too, so I prefer riding. Aside from all that peace, love, and hippie-grease stuff, riding is good exercise and it keeps me ready for the really hard trails in the mountains. The day I got the nail I was going really fast, partly because I could, and partly because I was listening to The Cult “New York City”. The song was propelling me, you could say. I was riding on the side of the road, and since I had The Cult turned way up, I couldn’t hear the puncture,  or any sort of pop! I did feel it though. It felt like a budduh-budduh—you know? So I looked down at it, and I said, “What? How?” ’cause I really didn’t understand what I was seeing or how it happened.

It’s not a good idea to ride on a flat, so I hopped off right away. There was a nice stretch of grass with some trees, and I found some shade there. It was my back tire, so I did the complicated puzzle of getting the tire out of the rear frame and the chain, plopped my tire down on the grass, and…took the picture, of course. I wasn’t going to pull that nail ’til I had some bragging evidence.

Then came the fun part. Two nail-sized holes meant two full-size patches. (I use the Park Tool Super Patch, plug, plug, hyperlink. Parktool.com) While I was in there I noticed a couple of old patches that I couldn’t remember putting on the tube, so I just went all patch-liberal on it and covered everything—just in case. How long exactly does the Park Tool Super Patch keep me riding? Forever, apparently. I was carrying my travel pump, so it took one hundred and seventy pumps before there was enough air to ride again. Then I was back on the road again.

All in all, it wasn’t tragic. It was fun, actually.

And I was only three minutes late.

Chess Moves

photo-1457694716743-eb419114c894It seems to me that a lot of scenes in life relate to chess moves in one way or another.

You can definitely get farther if you know the moves. You can advance yourself further if you weave the concepts of chess moves into the fabric of your current mental constructs.

To list them, there are power moves, there are protection moves, there are common moves, legal moves and sacrifice moves.

Power moves are those that cover the critical parts of the board, or critical opposing pieces, with one or more of your own pieces. Attacking a queen with a knight, for instance, is a power move. Putting a king in check while simultaneously attacking a queen with your knight is a very powerful move.

Protection moves are like secondary power moves. To protect one piece, you might set up a chain-reaction of power movement, if the opponent chooses a course of action. To keep it simple: your bishop might protect a pawn or two, and if the opponent takes one of your pawns then the bishop reacts.

Common moves are like a pawn moving forward one square. Simple. Direct. Common.

Legal moves are those you and your opponent have agreed upon before starting the game. If a change takes place without the consent of both sides, then the move is illegal. You can’t make up your own rules. Especially not mid-game.

Sacrifice moves are those you make when you give up an important piece. Usually sacrifices are made to gain some other important advantage. Losing your queen is fine if you can checkmate your opponent.

So how does it all relate to real life? A knight move could relate to any time when you appeared to be heading toward a goal and then turned abruptly to achieve something better. Like aiming at being an extra in a movie and then getting a speaking part. Like taking some time off of work to relax and actually knocking out some chores at home.

Maybe you have some obstacle to your success. You can’t see around it. You don’t know how to get to your goal on the other side of this obstacle. Using a chess move, you might send in some pawns to dismantle the barrier, or you might send a knight leaping over it, or you might send in the queen to power through everything and clear your path. However you choose to succeed, try taking on the problem in different ways. Nothing kills a good game of chess worse than repetitive moves. Try new tactics and come out victorious.