One aspect of writing is that you don’t have any excuses to take a day off. It’s not like being a carpenter. When you’re sick, you can still write. To claim a sick day as a writer, you’d have to go blind, AND lose your voice, AND lose the use of your hands in this technological age. Voice recognition technology is getting better and better—and it’s getting good enough that it can get most of your words right. You can record notes, dictate essays, or even waste time sending voice-to-text messages, if you have the right device with the right program. Not to distract you with that, but can you imagine actually needing to send voice-to-text messages? It seems a bit excessive or superfluous to me. I’m sure there’s a use for it. Maybe you don’t type so well. Maybe you need your hands for other operations. It could be convenient to have a hands-free method of sending messages. But then there has to be a limitation on the other end too, such as the person on the other end has to be unavailable or unable to hear your voice message. I mean, why would they need a text-based message versus a voice-based message if you can give them a voice message? Anyway, I’ll let that one rest now. As a writer, you can’t just use the “I’m not feeling well” excuse like many jobs. I mean, you’d really have to be incapacitated to not be able to screw a few word-planks together.
Creative Juices
If you owned a business, what would you name it?
A wood cabinet refurbisher called: Jack the Stripper?
A museum called: Hands On Children Museum?
A chimney sweeping business called: Ash Wipe?
A book seller called: In The Margins?
A record store called: Vinyl Resting Place?
A gardening supply store called: The Dirty Hoe?
There are lots of ideas. You’ve had these ideas. “What if I started a hair salon and called it Curl Up and Dye? Wouldn’t that be funny?” They’re easy to do. Sometimes you get to them by thinking up a funny name for your favorite business. Sometimes you get the phrase first and then you think up what business would use that as their name.
Tranny Man? That’s a guy who does automotive repair, of course.
Full Stop? A highway barricade manufacturer.
Blade Runner? Custom knife delivery.
What would a company named Invitational Gas do, or sell?
What would a company named Blammo do, or sell?
What about some of the cartoon companies like Acme, or Spacely Sprockets, or Strickland Propane? Are those too obvious?
And then there are the sci-fi companies like Tessier-Ashpool, or the Tyrell Corporation. What do they do? How did they get their start?
Fake and creative business names are fun to make. They’re funny to hear, when you hear a new one. And they keep the creative juices flowing. Speaking of…Creative Juices, LLC?
Real vs. Fantasy
Could it be that surreal art is more real than attempts at realism?
I have a deep respect for any artist who can make a landscape, or a portrait, look like the original view, but the longer I live, the more it seems to me that surrealism is more accurate.
For example, go inside any building, even a modern one that’s been built with high-tech equipment and methods and see if every corner in that building is perfectly angled. Most of the buildings I visit don’t have any such perfection. Perfect angles and perfect circles seem to be out of our grasp. Tile work drifts as it gets laid. Wood gets warped after being cut. Metal gets bent in the process of installation.
A perfect picture might not be something we can make either. Just about any artist will say they are their own worst critic. They can take the compliments they receive from others, and accept the compliments, but they’ll have a list of things they notice that are wrong with their art. Show an artist something they created and they’ll be able to pick out the flaws instantly. An objective eye can say the art is beautiful, even though the one who created it is dissatisfied.
Even nature though, can make beautiful mistakes. Our realities our immersed in the unreal. A rose is one of many things in nature that is pleasing to the eye, but not necessarily symmetrical. And a tattoo of a rose? Don’t even get me started on that. And how about a photo of a tattooed rose? Ha! Three degrees of separation there, and we still recognize the intended form. Whether or not any of it is appealing is up to the person looking.
That’s a digression of sorts. This isn’t about appealing versus non-appealing. It’s about real versus fantasy. I’m of the opinion that the more fantastic a realistic piece gets, the more it mimics the actual world.
People’s faces are another thing. If you painted someone symmetrically, with all sides of their face proportional, and all the attachments of that face the same size, the picture would only be a representation. People have different sizes of ears, different sizes of nostrils, different landscapes of brow and cheek and chin on either side of their face—on the same face. Even their skulls have asymmetrical sides, so why not the flesh that covers it? And people get more uneven the older they get. They lose teeth. They lose hair. They gain hair in odd places. They get blemishes and scars and moles and pimples. There are so many things that change a face, we might even say that the changes are surreal. The end from the beginning certainly is. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their false teeth.
Hemp vs. Marijuana
Let me start by saying I don’t feel like what I’m about to write is political. It has more of a healthy-lifestyle-choice vibe for me. I just want to voice my opinion on hemp and marijuana. Hemp has a variety of uses. You can make clothing out of hemp. You can make paper out of hemp. You can make fuel out of hemp. You can make FOOD out of hemp. Hemp has an excellent balance of proteins and fiber to make it one of the most beneficial grains. Marijuana, on the other hand, (it’s a different variety of the cannabis plant, by the way), is a sad misused plant. Some people want to smoke it. Sad. I’ve watched otherwise healthy people turn into THC addicts and turn into low-energy, mindless zombies. Have you ever seen a stoner get up and run? I haven’t. I don’t think they can. Chronic smokers of weed have low motivation, low willpower, and low intellect. They’re sad lumps of giggling flesh who crave pork rinds, candy, and soda. Isn’t it ironic that they don’t crave hemp to eat? If they wanted something healthy, that would be remarkable, but they want to eat junk food; further proof that smoking pot rots your brain. If marijuana is to be used medicinally, then it can be regulated by doctors and pharmacies—not vape shops. People who vape-o-mist cherry blossoms and essence of tube socks around their heads don’t have many brain cells at their command anyway, so we shouldn’t encourage them to lose more. Not only that, but the lack of hygiene these vapor users exhibit will only be degraded with the use of skunk-weed. It’s called skunk-weed because it smells of skunk, especially when burned. Combine that with human funk and get skunk-funk, an odor so offensive it could be militarized and used by SWAT teams in case they run out of tear gas. Oh yeah, did I mention hemp is good for food?
An Option Apart from Fireworks
It did occur to me when I wrote that last ‘barchive about American Culture and funeral fireworks, that I haven’t ever written about a company called The Great American Pyramid.
Here’s an interesting concept. The company will mix your ashes, or your remains, into a 3 foot by 3 foot block of concrete, and add your block to an actual pyramid. The pyramid is expected to be larger than those in Egypt, and won’t be reserved for Pharaohs, but for whoever wants to be in it!
Personally, I think that’s a brilliant idea. Cemeteries are getting more crowded, and what better way to go than up! (And this way, you won’t just go up in smoke.)
Anyway, that’s enough from me. Check out their website and learn more here:
Xenosthesia.com 