Life Lessons

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Life cereal. You can’t open the package without destroying it.

Scissors. Using scissors is the only way to open your box of Life. Opening a box of Life is like life itself. What is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of Life? The purpose of Life is to sustain life. Not only human life, either. Horses will eat Life cereal. I’m not sure it’s good for them, but they’ll eat it.

Opening a box of Life is like life itself. You mess up some things, but the reward is worth the pain.

Eating Life cereal is like life itself. If you wait too long after pouring the milk, the cereal gets soggy. In life, if you wait too long for some things, they lose their appeal. If you know this about yourself, you can use it to your advantage. Wait long enough for something you don’t need and you won’t even want it any more.

Chocolate cake. Chocolate cake is one of those things I want right away when I see it, but if I leave it sitting there long enough it loses its appeal. Eventually the cake gets dried up and hard. The frosting gets even drier and harder. It might even collect dust. Do you want to eat dust? No, thanks.

The latest digital device. Wait long enough to get one of these and there’s usually a better, more appealing, one being produced only days later. Why not wait and save yourself the cash? In fact, you could probably go your whole life waiting to see what’s next without actually ever purchasing any of the newest devices.

If you’ve ever bought a cell’ ‘phone only to drop it and crack the screen, you probably wish you had waited. Like that box of Life cereal. Only much more expensive.

Patience isn’t a common skill. That’s why the package gets ripped. If the reward is worth the pain, the life lesson is probably, “Go for it.” If the reward isn’t worth any amount of pain, leave the package closed. As for me and my box of Life cereal, well, I’ll be pouring it through the shredded flaps so it comes out of all sides…from now until eternity.

Babies II

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If we all shaved our heads, would we find equality? These two are the same, aren’t they? At least on the surface, to the eye of the first impression, they seem to be nearly the same age, because their heads have the same amount of hair.

By the way, “The Eye of the First Impression” is a great title for a novel, isn’t it?

Where you gonna take it today?

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I’ve never heard any writer say they have limits on ideas for novels, but I think it’s fun to throw the prompts out there anyway.

What are some clever ways to take a day off of work?

What are some interesting ways to meet friends? Sure you can think of social media, but what are some original ways to meet friends?

How would you solve a common problem in the world? There are already a million novels about apocalyptic consequences to common problems. Few writers actually manage to give solutions for the problems they see, though. Isn’t that interesting, that the so-called creative among us can’t create solutions?

How would you dress up your baldness? With plastic, with someone else’s hair, or with metal? Or something else?

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Could you start the idea for a novel by coming up with the title first?

If you remove your hair, will the ideas come out of your head easier?

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Are ideas for new epic novels like babies? Babies in your mind? Mind babies?

Give birth already!

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Babies

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Clearly, the world loves babies.

It’s no accident. If you look at it scientifically, we ensure the survival of our species if we have a deep admiration for our young. That’s the stodgy, clinical answer to the question, “Why?” But there’s more…

Why else do we love babies? Because they’re a continuation of our own selves, or in other words we can see ourselves mirrored in them, we recognize and remember through them. We also see our future more clearly as we see the steps they take to learn and grow. Does it take long for a baby to learn to count? Yes. The first ten numbers take a long time. The first one hundred numbers take a little longer. It’s a beautiful process, but it’s also valuable to watch, to observe it happening. We can see, even though we’re grown, we have more to learn.

What is our fascination with babies, and who are some of our most recent muses?

There’s baby Groot. “Sooo cute!” There’s baby Kal-el, who many refer to as Superman, so baby Kal-el is baby Superman. There’s baby Yoda, who many Star Wars fans refer to as The Child.

And there’s the greatest baby of all: baby Jesus.

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Baby Jesus is greater than baby Groot, baby Kal-el, and baby Yoda combined.

Granted, the three lesser are fictional characters. Real babies are going to be greater than fictional babies every time we compare them, but it comes down to the reasons we adore baby Jesus. He was the answer to all of our worst problems. We have this death thing hanging over our heads from the moment we’re born and Jesus came to correct it. Three days after he died he was born again as a resurrected being. We also have the regrets of our sins threatening us with eternal punishment, but Jesus is our advocate in the courts of heaven. He suffered for our sins.

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When he was born, the spiritual world rejoiced, the mortal world rejoiced. They knew, as we know, the birth of the Christ, the Anointed One, meant the beginning of the end for death and sin. And surely the Savior accomplished what he was born to do.

So, as Christmas comes this year, don’t forget to say, “Happy Birthday baby Jesus!”

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Pizza Toppings

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Who knew pizza toppings could be the height of controversy? Apparently, in an era of such controversial topics as genetic manipulation, augmented reality, abortion, fake science, and Disney, people get bored of those conversations. We all need something to talk about. We all need distractions. Some of us even “need” something to complain about, so it’s lucky for us we have pizza toppings.

Forget about fish. Anchovies are the controversial pizza topping of the past. Nobody even mentions those these days.

Cauliflower. If you want to start tongues wagging, bring up cauliflower. This lovely veggie isn’t only on top of the pizza, it’s the crust! Not willing to stop at toppings, Keto dieters have gone and made the entire pizza out of cauliflower. How this magic works, I don’t know. Somehow the flower is turned into flour and then, just like any pizza, the dough is flung in the air like some kind of soggy Frisbee. Then, BOOM! Pizza!

Fried egg. Yes, people put some weird things on pizza. In my opinion, if you’re going to put a fried egg on top of a pizza, then you may as well put toast, waffles, maple syrup, bacon…

Bacon. You might not think this is a controversial topic. What’s wrong with bacon? Bacon has been on pizza since the beginning, right? Possibly. Maybe. The disagreement comes from those who don’t wish for an animal to die so they can eat pizza. They have a valid point. Whether it tastes good, or not, is subjective.

Mushrooms. Mushrooms are a mild, innocuous controversy, like Ellen’s fashion sense, or rugby protective gear. Most people shrug it off. Usually mushrooms are accompanied by olives, which are as mild a topping topic as anything.

Cheese. What? Someone complained about cheese on pizza? If you don’t like cheese, then you don’t like pizza.

Caviar. Sure, you want to be like the super rich but still eat commoner food. Throw some caviar on your pizza! Now you have the elements of two worlds in your mouth. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe you spit it out, because it isn’t much different from having anchovies.

Marijuana. This is a new one. I haven’t heard many people really arguing about this. Marijuana is controversial on its own, so it’s possible this could be the controversial pizza topping that takes over for pineapple.

Pineapple. Possibly the most controversial of all toppings, pineapple is like rap music and country music combined. People who love one, hate the other. People who love both, hate the mix. People who hate both would rather eat pineapple on a pizza…even if they’re allergic. Pineapple will get the most shy introvert to start arguing either for or against. Pineapple on pizza is the dividing topic of all nations. Nations have fallen because they couldn’t agree on whether to get a pepperoni only or a large Hawaiian.

All joking aside though, pineapple is the distraction people have been needing to take their minds off of mindless politics, moral issues, and the mortgage. If not for pineapple, the world would be full of psychotic personalities. We should all be glad there’s something to talk about. Pineapple is it, whether you like to eat it with your pizza, or not.

To Turn a Phrase

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Hyperbole is embedded so deeply in everyday language, we can’t possibly extricate it.

No one ever wants to see what it looks like when skin crawls. It’s a phrase with a meaning beyond the norm when you say, “My skin is crawling.”

Sort of like when you say you can feel it in your bones. It only means you can feel it deeply. Bones don’t feel much, really, do they?

Will you go to pieces over this?

Have you ever turned a phrase?

When you take time, where do you put it?

What do you think when you see standing water?

Have you ever been so happy you were beside yourself?

And love—don’t even get me started on love. Love has arms, love bites, love will take you there, love is the enemy, love is life, love stinks, love rescued me, love can break down the walls inside, and love came shining through. There is nothing love cannot do. Love has all the attributes of everything imaginable. Love takes on anthropomorphism with the care of a construction worker with a brand new bulldozer and a tank full of gas. Love blooms in the metaphorical metaphysical like all the daisies ever seeded. But don’t treat love wrong. Be kind, because love is blind. Don’t be rude, dude.

A rude dude could kiss someone with his fist, shoot the bull, raise hell, and drink like a fish. If anyone in their right mind stopped to ponder the literal meaning of any one of these phrases one by one, or even most of the meaningless things we say, they might find how little is real.

Which brings to mind a question: If you embellish an exaggeration, do you end with a layman’s workday?

It could be worse. My cousin’s friend went too far with a story, started embellishing every detail, and she ended up in a different galaxy. She took it too far. You see?

Do you see what I’m saying?

What could happen if we threw in the towel and decided not to talk at all? What if we decided not to write the trite and overused meaningless words? The phrases would still be in our minds—and in our hearts. That’s not all in our hearts. I have whole people in my heart. Trust me when I tell you it’s where they belong.