Eventually, I’ll Slip

dwarf-1273075__480It’s probably inevitable. (Does this count as a legal disclaimer?) Somewhere, somehow, I’ll be voicing an opinion, and BAM!, I’ll say, or write, something that upsets someone. Within everyone is a huge ball of emotions and opinions and probably some spices and undigested scraps that haven’t been explored yet, and I’m no different. I have stuff in me that I don’t know about. Isn’t it true that we know others long before we know ourselves?

Not even talking about introversion or extroversion here. I’m talking about self-knowledge. We all seem to be poor critics of ourselves. We don’t judge ourselves very accurately. Accurate self-image is a skill that seems to escape most humans. When was the last time you saw someone dressed in clothes you would consider awkward and heard them admit that they were dressed in strange clothes? Have you ever hired someone who wasn’t any good at what they do? And did they know that they weren’t any good at it? Sure, it’s considered impolite (in some cultures) to point out another persons faults; however, how will that person ever really know if someone doesn’t eventually give them an honest, objective opinion? And ooh boy, do I have opinions. I could probably list some here. No, I better stay on topic. The point of today’s ramble is two-fold: First, I wouldn’t mind some constructive criticism; Second, I will most likely give out criticism (hopefully constructive) to someone, and with this web archive I can say, “See? I told you so.”

Oh, and by the way, when I’m giving criticism, I try to keep it constructive by using softeners, such as: “It seems like…” and “From my point of view…” These are good tactful ways to show you’re merely observing and not nitpicking. So there you go. If you have read this far, you maybe learned some diplomacy. Maybe you could prevent the next nuclear holocaust.

The Novel and The Literary Machine

punkdeye

Sound Distortion is the name of my first novel.

The literary world is a huge, manic, and gluttonous machine. It is a system of obstacles that will make you want to scream into your own ear until you can no longer hear yourself or anyone else. The literary system of agents and big publishers and medium publishers and vanity press publishers is so bloated and time-consuming, believe me. And time-consuming is a more literal definition than you might suppose. It is so time-devouring that while I was waiting for several publishers and agents to return my emails about this first novel I wrote five more novels, three screenplays, and many short stories. They all said “no”, but I guess the time wasn’t completely devoured—I got a lot of work done.

Despite the frustration of trying to walk in the dinosaur tracks of the literary world, I have enjoyed my new contacts at the publishing company where I seem to have found a home. They have helped me through the editing process and the advertising process, and soon we will be going through the process of selling. Sound Distortion will be out on shelves, physical and digital, very soon.

Here’s a synopsis of the novel:

Sound Distortion (a play on words hinting at the mood and theme of the book) sends the reader on a surreal journey through a junior high school with the teenage main character, Djonny DeSoto, and his invention of a jacket that speaks for him via the sublime sounds of old and new musicians. Djonny enters his world without a voice and so invents a way to tap the world of music. Along the way he is stalked and tormented by enemies, and just when he needs to communicate most, gives up his jacket to a girl who needs it more and loses his ability to speak.

Within the novel, I held no discrimination against any of the styles of music. Likewise though, there was no favoritism when it came to teasing the various styles. I make fun of everything, and promote everything equally. There are music culture references throughout, as well as wordplay and innuendo. I hope it’s as fun for people to read as it was for me to write.

RE-defined

monkeyinouterspace

Definitions are needed. Sometimes we all speak the same language, but the definitions get confused. This is especially evident when ordering up food at your favorite deli. “Do you want some tee?” they might ask. And then when you say, “Yes,” without asking for clarification, they give you a mug with a rolled-up tee-shirt in it. This happens too often. And it isn’t at all appetizing. So, to share a few of the more recent definitions, here is a list of commonly used words along with their current definitions.

Campist: someone who indulges in, obnoxiously pushes, or even flaunts their own, campy entertainment. Campy entertainment is further defined as out-of-date, silly, novelty entertainment. A lot of rap music, for instance, falls under all three of these traits. Elvis impersonation.

infonet: this is really another name for the “internet”, though infonet avoids that stuffy, word-nerd tendency to correct you and preach to you why “internet” should be capitalized. Pfft!

Time-fool: someone who sets their clocks back in the fall. (Watch out! I’m not the only one promoting this. Don’t become a time-fool. Keep your clocks where they are.) As in “Daylight Saving Time” Fool.

Transitional Blues

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Does everyone experience this? Transition certainly happens to everyone, but does everyone get the blues? Transition is just a fancy word for change. For instance, when you change jobs, that’s a transition period. Or when winter and spring are both kind of vying for the seasonal control, that’s a transition. When the weather isn’t quite winter, but not quite spring yet either, I know a lot of people get the blues. Of course, there are the completely crazy people who will stare at the sky as it’s raining and snowing at the same time, and they shout, “Give me summer!”

I guess I could see how they might be frustrated. Transitioning from winter straight into summer, though? That would drive me crazy. Maybe I have a little more patience. In fact, I don’t mind waiting out the blues. I know that even though I’m ready for a new season, and it isn’t happening today, it will still happen. There are signs of it everywhere. And that’s true whether talking about a season of nature or a season of emotions.

A wise man once said that no one can really connect the dots of life while looking forward; we can only connect them while looking back. What that means is, we get the blues during transitions because we are poor predictors of the future. However, if we look back a little, we can see the progress we’ve made. Getting the blues is natural, especially during a transition. As long as we only visit, we’ll be okay. It’s when you decide to live in your sadness that you lose. Life is full of changes. How we handle those changes determines whether we smile through or scream at the sky.

Car Metaphors

 

car

Looking for a car metaphor.

Like running the wipers on a dry day. Like driving with your lights on in the daytime. Like putting small wheels on a car and thinking it’s fast. Like taking off the muffler and turning the radio up! Like trading a Ferrari for a Ford. Like throwing the key under the seat and expecting to start the car. Like comparing apples to lugnuts. Like burning down your garage to make the RV fit. Like putting a pizza in it and calling it “air freshner”. Like emptying the gas tank and then telling someone else their tank is empty. Like honking the horn at a deer. Like driving blind. Like decking out the chrome and the window tint. Like washing it one day before rain. Like washing it before you go mudding. Like wishing you could go mudding, but you’re driving a convertible. Like putting diesel fuel in when your car drives on unleaded. Like driving your car into the ocean. Like fossil fuel and new technology. Like racing around only to find you never left your yard.