Xenosthesia.com

Awkward Constructions

One of the craziest ways people try to show off their wisdom is by creating a phrase that contains two ideas with the second idea being only a reversal of the first. Here’s an example:

“It’s not your eye that hurts, it’s your hurt you’re eyeing.”

This is not a terrible sentence. It’s an awkward, illogical, nonsensical, bland, trite, ridiculous, and annoying sentence. (Read that in the voice of the most ornery, crotchety old man voice you can imagine.) The person is supposedly trying to say your eye doesn’t hurt, but if it does, it’s only because you’re focusing on the pain. Doesn’t that require there to be pain in the first place? Then where does the hurt come from, I wonder. Anyway, the general idea reminds me of the old, hilarious dad joke of saying, “I can make you forget about your hurt eye,” and then dear, ol’ dad kicks you in the shin. If he was a doctor, you’d take him to court.

Malpractice.

Which reminds me of malapropisms, though these are not malapropisms, these idea reversals. For one thing, malapropisms catch our attention because they’re funny. A funny mix-up. Using one word which sounds like another in the wrong context. Like when Uncle Fred describes when he was abducted by aliens and he can’t quite spit it out.

“That was the night they took me aboard the murder ship, er, the murther ship. No, no, no, the MOTHER ship.”

Malapropisms are fun, but idea reversals are not. A better way to say this:

“It’s not your eye that hurts, it’s your hurt you’re eyeing.”

Would be so:

“If you don’t focus on the pain in your eye, it might diminish a little. In the meantime, here’s an Ibu.”

How much nicer would it be to hear that, rather than someone denying your pain and trying to be wise about it?

Then there’s this crusty old chestnut:

“Successful people don’t count their mistakes, they make their mistakes count.”

Ugh! Can you hear the misplaced narcissism on that person? They wanted to say, “I’m so wise. My every word,” but they came up with that ridiculous idea reversal instead. It doesn’t even make sense! Who goes around making mistakes on purpose? Not any sane person. Who goes around trying their worst? If any, very few. No, we try our best.

In fact, the majority try to learn from their mistakes rather than making them again, or making them “count,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. We try to learn from other people’s mistakes as well, and that’s why we read. Read about the failures of another and you don’t have to feel the pain yourself. Read someone else’s poorly constructed thought and you don’t have to repeat the process, or become a cynical old man who writes about other people’s quotes.

More Value For Your Dollar

Berm Peak, on YouTube, has a great video every aspiring mountain biker should watch before buying a bike. The video is regarding the differences between a 400$ mountain bike and a 13,000$ mountain bike. I’m going to spoil it right here, so if you want to watch it for yourself, watch now…

The guy making the video does a good job going over the differences without too much bias. He says a couple of illogical things. I’ll forgive him for those, but I’ll also explain them here. At the end he admits he probably could’ve bought a cheaper bike. Long before, he throws one tongue-in-cheek joke in there which could be interpreted as baiting, but I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and say he meant it as wry humor. His cheeky joke is when he says the 400$ bike has some features the 13K bike doesn’t have, like nifty L and R indicators so you know which pedal goes on what side. Narf!

One illogic: he acts as if bikes have skills. Only the rider has skills. If anyone ever said, “I got a spendy bike so I can be a better rider,” they might also say, “I bought an expensive soccer ball so I can be a better soccer player.” See how that doesn’t actually make any sense? Now, you might be asking what the similarities are between a soccer ball and a mountain bike. You might be thinking the bike can be upgraded but the ball can’t. That’s true, but upgrades don’t translate into skill either. One similarity is that both the mountain bike and the ball get kicked around. Another similarity is the fact that both really do come in a variety of styles and prices. If you don’t know what you’re buying, then you may be the one who gets kicked around.

Another biased illogic: He outright says, if you don’t have tubeless tires you’re going to get a flat. What?! People can do all the same things with tubes as tubeless. Here’s another secret you might want to know is that lots of people who ride tubeless bring a tube along with them, just in case. Keep in mind here too, every thing you take with you adds weight—a point our Berm Peak YouTuber brings up several times.

Riding tubeless tires is no warranty against flats, neither is riding tubes. Probably the best defense against flats is knowing how to fix them. Before you buy tubeless, understand there is a substance, sometimes called slime, which is terrible horrendous to work with when doing a repair. Don’t get it on you, or you’ll regret it.

He talks about hydraulic brakes and how he loves that sort of system. Hydraulics aren’t a necessity. In my case they are a liability. I like adventuring. I like going off trail. I’ve gone off some crazy stuff. If that sounds like you, then you should realize you’re going to do better with mechanical brakes. When adventure riding, cables are superior. Beginners and daredevils will be better off with mechanical brakes.

He even talks about wifi, or bluetooth, seat poppers AND brakes. Those are fun toys—until your battery dies, or you hit something, or you get some interference—so many ways they stop working, then you can’t do anything. Your expensive toys suddenly are worth 0$ in every imaginable currency. Why even waste your money on that? Again, stay with what is reliable, and that would be cables. Cables may weigh ounces more than wireless devices, but consider how much the whole bike weighs when you’re hiking it back up, or back down, the hill.

In his comparison, one bike is aluminum, another is titanium. Get this fun fact: the value of titanium fluctuates up and down depending on the demand in the market. Some years it’s worth more, some less. An ounce of titanium at early 2025 prices is only worth 12$ per kilogram, so that’s around a penny per gram and 24$ for that 2kg bike frame. This, of course, is the price of unprocessed, unshaped titanium. What do you think? Is the manufacture of that material worth what this YouTuber paid for it. I’d say he was following his dream, so maybe. If you love your bike, it’s worth every penny you paid for it.

He’s dead right when he talks about plastic pedals. Those are how the bike manufacturer keeps the overall price of the bike low. They cost like 10 cents to make and they’re sold to you for 10$. You are not getting a deal on the plastic pedals, only on the overall price of the bike.

As I said already, our Berm Peak YouTuber admits he feels a bit silly making the video and finding out he paid way too much for a mountain bike. A person can definitely fall into the wrong persuasions. There’s no need to spend 10K to 20K for a mountain bike. Especially if you’re just starting out. If so, get the less expensive model. When you find out you love the sport, go ahead and get some actual upgrades to the less expensive bike—such as metal pedals instead of plastic.

For more insight on the subject, try checking out Matty Active, a YouTuber with similar topics.

Spring!

It IS Spring! We definitely had a shorter Winter’s end and swifter Spring beginning. Thank you Salty Stew! (That’s the name of our groundhog.) So Spring is here. Flowers are popping out of the dirt, the weather is warming, and people are venturing out of their hibernation hovels. Even yours truly was able to get out and enjoy some early mountain biking. Of course there was some mud on the tires, but that’s kind of the point, right?

One hilarious way I know it’s Spring is when my crabby neighbor tells me he can’t believe the stores already have aisles full of Easter candy. I don’t notice the stores stocking things as much as he does. In a way, he’s my one main source of news and my barometer for Spring. I can see it in his eyes, how he hates the chocolate-covered peanut butter eggs. Despite being crabby, he knows what Easter is really about.

My family’s favorite way to know Spring has arrived is when the birds move back into the birdhouse. We have a wooden birdhouse where we get to see baby birds pop out every year. It’s so much fun I should probably install a camera so we could watch the hatching of the baby birds. All we see now is when the birds come out and start learning how to fly. They hop around the yard for a while learning how to go higher and higher until they’re in the trees.

Photo by KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA on Pexels.com

Some people measure Spring by how much longer they have to get their taxes declared and settled. Tax season is Spring, for them. Or Spring is tax season. Either way you say it, that’s a sad way to live life—dreading Spring.

Most of the people I know love Spring. They start saying things like, “Isn’t that gorgeous weather?” or “I love the smell of earth after rain.” They cheer up a great deal. Some can’t seem to stop talking. Others greet everyone more cheerfully than they did in the Winter. And some of them stop coming around because they’re off doing something outside. Suddenly their favorite outdoor activities take a priority position. And that’s perfectly alright. Everyone has their favorite way to celebrate the season.

Witness

What good have you witnessed lately?

I saw the man who was driving the Red Bull truck drinking water. He made the best choice. Water wins.

Have you witnessed any greatness lately?

I saw someone give a homeless woman a blanket. Winter is a great time to be generous. Winter affects those who feel provincially trapped. Share what you can.

I saw two children get told by their mother to wait on the sidewalk. There was an obstacle on the side of the road and she wanted to look around it before letting them cross the road. The children were amazing. They stood perfectly still. Okay, not perfectly still. They wiggled their arms, but they didn’t move their feet. They stayed where their mother said to stay.

Have you witnessed anything amazing lately?

I saw a person being kind to animals. Sanity resides in the one who can show compassion toward the smallest of creatures.

What good have you witnessed lately?

Stop Naming Trails This Way

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva on Pexels.com

With some help from my friends and family, we came up with over 300 mountain bike trail names worth using, or emulating.

Before I get in to what some of those trail names are, let’s review naming traditions which need to be buried.

Naming a trail after a person is the quickest way to tell the world how utterly unfantastic your trail is. There isn’t anything less inspiring than naming a trail after an average ordinary dude. One obvious exception is if that ordinary dude built the trail and you want to teach him a lesson, so you named the trail after him as a lasting tribute to his mediocrity. I’m torn between, “Yes, that’s justice,” and “No, that’s too cruel.” Maybe, instead, teach Dave, or Jack, or Henry how to build a better trail, and then still don’t name it after anyone.

There are exceptions, of course, and there always will be. For instance, if the trail was already named John Wayne Trail, or Davy Crocket Hunting Trail, then by all means, leave it that way. If you’re naming a new trail though, remember the person who the trail is named after should have a name recognizable by most people on the planet and the Encyclopedia Britannica. Dave Mustaine? Sure. Dave Garglepox of Podunk County? No. It’s not fun to say, or even think, “I’m going to ride Dave’s Connector.”

Speaking of Connector, it’s a word which should be avoided. Try not to name anything Line, Loop, Pass, Connector, Upper, Lower, Middle, Trail, Rock, Roll, or Drop, especially if what comes before those words is the name of a trail already. For example, if there’s a trail named A-Line, and then it gets extended for some reason, and you name the new section A-Line Lower. Then the original becomes A-Line Upper. You just created the most common name for any trail ever. How is anyone going to differentiate between A-Line Upper in Whistler, Canada and A-Line Upper in Goatcheese, USA? They won’t. Plus, the extension on A-Line should just get a new name or keep the name of the original trail it connects to rather than getting the all too common moniker of Upper, Lower, Middle. There’s really no good reason to break up any trail to uppers and downers and spare-tire middles, is there?

Really, it’s best to avoid any common name. Those get tiring fast. Avoid names like Juniper, Ridgeline, Portal, Pipeline, Cougar, Rock Garden, Rock and Roll, Punk Rock, Dead Man, Dead Guy, Deathwish, Death Bones, Dead Death, or Flow Trail.

Lastly, remember to avoid numbers, unless it’s incorporated in a good name somehow. (One-way Mule?) And avoid the gross and crass garbage that pops up in trail names once in a while. Remember these names we put on public trails are available to persons of every age. We want the future bikers to enjoy riding, not get sickened by it before they start. Tighty Whitey might be funny, but Dead Indian Gulch is not.

Now, for a taste of some of the names we came up with in my personal gathering.

Dirt Stomper, Wooden Nickel, Axons Firing, Dopamine Driving, Slice of Heaven, One Hundred Ways To Get Down—Only One Way To Live, Pain Dance, Yellow Belly, Happy Girl, Flip Flop, Duck Jump, Total Vacation, Space Truck, Hard Tail Heaven, and Bat-faced Boy.

On another note, the name One Hundred Ways To Get Down—Only One Way To Live is fun to say, but it would not be fun to try and fit on a trail sign. Keep trail signs in mind when making new names. Shorter is almost always better.

That’s just a few of what we made. If we can come up with over 300, why are there so many new trails being given terrible names like Stale Trail Upper Pass? If anyone needs help, contact me. I’ll give you a few to use.