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The Skater Diet

soda-2820018__480  You heard it here first: All About The Skater Diet!

Skateboarders are a curious breed. They’re a very eclectic group. They’re selected from all ages, even though they’re mostly school-age. They all have different levels of intellect, though they’re mostly the young and bored, experimentally creative. They come from the streets, and they come from suburban homes. Some have even been known to come out of the city. They come from inland and the coast. They come from surfing ancestry. Some of them fear the ocean, and others love it.

Despite all of these differences, they all have one thing in common, and it’s not that they all have traces of the Ocean Mother in their bones. The thing they all have in common is that they are all thin. Scrawny, even. It’s a secret that has eluded mankind for ages: Why are the skateboarders all as thin as sticks? I’m about to divulge that secret. All you have to do to find out what I know is to send me 19.95$ in freshly drawn ATM currency. JUST KIDDING! Send NO money! I’m going to tell you for FREE!

Here’s how it works: First you have to go get yourself a skateboard. Don’t worry about the quality of this item, because you’ll have it trashed in about a week. The important thing here is that you get a board; it could be a stick with wheels, just get one. Then you ride it. You ride it hard and you ride it a lot. You ride it down the street. You ride it to your local skatepark. Does it matter if you know any tricks? No. Everyone has a first time. The tricks will come, so don’t worry. If you’re a little bit nervous about going to the skatepark because it’s a new set of peers for you, then use this simple disguise: put five Band-Aids on one of your elbows, and another one on your forehead. Everyone there will assume that you had an accident that left you off balance. But that’s not where you should focus. Do you want to diet, or not? Don’t get me distracted. The rest of The Skater Diet is that you skate all day. You only take a break around lunchtime, when you go to the closest convenience store (7-11 is recommended by 4 out of 5 skaters) and buy the largest sugary beverage you can buy. You take that with you, and you skate out the rest of the day.

Simple, right? And it works! I personally know people who have lost tons of pounds by doing this fabulous diet program. Even better is that The Skater Diet is legal in the U.K., Australia, North and South America, and even Japan! Get yours going today!

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