Test of Thumbs

There is a test to see how many words a person can type while using only their thumbs. (The world record is 101 words per minute.)

Two. Two words per minute. That’s how many I can type. About as fast as carving words in a stone slab in the catacombs. Does hyperbole grace every sentence of this post? No, not every sentence. Let’s not exaggerate.

Have you ever tried? Some people I’m aware of can tap out a full novel in a text message.

Thumb-mail. A full-on 18th century letter, typed out with your thumbs? Amazing. Strange, but amazing. Strange to me, because I would lose interest after the first paragraph.

One problem I’ve recognized is that my thumbs are wider than average. To type with the tiny keyboard provided on a cell phone is like trying to smack one ant in a colony with a skillet.

If I was Harpo Marx, I’d follow that sentence with: What that ant was doing with a skillet, I don’t know.

You should be glad I’m not Harpo Marx.

My next question, though, is: Why would anyone need a skill like typing ultra-fast with their thumbs? I can only think of one reason.

A person needs to tell their mother they love her before they get eaten by an alligator. And would it matter if they were swallowed arms first, or not? That would depend on if they could get signal inside the alligator.

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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