10(0) Greatest Guitarists

In honor and in loving memory of Rolling Stone’s amazing long-forgotten list of the 100 best gitardudes ever, I decided to make my own.

Here, for your listening pleasure, is the ultimate, ultimate you know what:

  1. Herbert Butros Khaury: absolute number one of number ones. This TINY guy packed a real wallop with his blazing skill, his sTIMulating singing voice, and his mesmerizing on-stage persona. Seriously.
  2. Sam Wills: okay, not really. I’ve been informed that Tape Face does not actually play the guitar. It’s a prop. Oh well, his show is fun anyway. If you have the time, check him out.
  3. Brian Hugh Warner: always needs a colon, in, on, or around, his/her name somewhere. He/she di’n’t play geetar, but (s)he’s been known to smash a few, and she/he is so good at smashing.
  4. Marshall Mathers: no one knows how many boy groupies you can gather around you better than this amazing musician-turned-poet. Apparently, in the ’90s, boys liked poetry.
  5. Brian Patrick Carroll: is there something wrong with being named Brian? Why do all these Brians change their names?
  6. Bill Righteous: totally righteous, dude!
  7. Bob Righteous: sooo righteous.
  8. John Simon Ritchie: “Something about this boy doesn’t seem right. Maybe you shouldn’t be his girlfriend.” -Top of the top ten things heard ’round him.
  9. Saul Hudson: should’ve kept his real name. It’s cooler than his stage name.
  10. Tyler Joseph: plays ukulele, bass, and six-string. We expect great things from him.

If you were thinking this would go to 100, just add Jack Black to the other 90 spots. There. Done.

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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