In honor and in loving memory of Rolling Stone’s amazing long-forgotten list of the 100 best gitardudes ever, I decided to make my own.
Here, for your listening pleasure, is the ultimate, ultimate you know what:
- Herbert Butros Khaury: absolute number one of number ones. This TINY guy packed a real wallop with his blazing skill, his sTIMulating singing voice, and his mesmerizing on-stage persona. Seriously.
- Sam Wills: okay, not really. I’ve been informed that Tape Face does not actually play the guitar. It’s a prop. Oh well, his show is fun anyway. If you have the time, check him out.
- Brian Hugh Warner: always needs a colon, in, on, or around, his/her name somewhere. He/she di’n’t play geetar, but (s)he’s been known to smash a few, and she/he is so good at smashing.
- Marshall Mathers: no one knows how many boy groupies you can gather around you better than this amazing musician-turned-poet. Apparently, in the ’90s, boys liked poetry.
- Brian Patrick Carroll: is there something wrong with being named Brian? Why do all these Brians change their names?
- Bill Righteous: totally righteous, dude!
- Bob Righteous: sooo righteous.
- John Simon Ritchie: “Something about this boy doesn’t seem right. Maybe you shouldn’t be his girlfriend.” -Top of the top ten things heard ’round him.
- Saul Hudson: should’ve kept his real name. It’s cooler than his stage name.
- Tyler Joseph: plays ukulele, bass, and six-string. We expect great things from him.
If you were thinking this would go to 100, just add Jack Black to the other 90 spots. There. Done.