The Center of The Universe


If you ever see me in the road, watch where I’m going. I don’t.

Have your parents ever told you if you make a face too long it’ll stay that way? I could’ve been a good-looking guy if I wasn’t pissed at everyone all the time. Practice makes permanent. Wearing the scowl to prove it.

I’ve been to the school of hard knocks and never graduated.

I ironed my shirt, and I didn’t get burnt, even though I didn’t take it off. Give me convenience or give me death, as the Kennedys say. The Dead Kennedys, that is.

I’m always right. If I’m ever proven wrong in my opinions, then the world itself must be an illusion. I’m always right, even when the facts are inconclusive. I’m always right. You better believe what I believe or else I’ll insult you ’til I’m satisfied.

I’m not on an ego trip, I’m just telling the truth. It’s not “the truth as I see it”. I can’t even hear…who said that?

If everyone thought just like me, the world would be a better place, because then everything would be centered around me, me, MEEEEE!

I told the universe that I’m the center of it, and it didn’t say anything back. I’ll take that as a, “Yes.”


(It’s actually difficult to keep that sort of self-centered attitude up for a few minutes. Have you ever tried? Have you ever met someone like that?)

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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