Don’t Be Left Out

It occurred to me some time ago that even though there are so many offended people in this world, there might also be a fair amount of people who have yet to find something to be offended about. For those feeling like an outsider because they have nothing to be offended about, here’s a convenient list:

1. Whether you’re English or American, you can be offended at Green Day, an American band continually faking an English accent to try to sound punk.
2. Be offended at “dollar” stores that charge more than a dollar for any item.
3. Be offended at trees dropping leaves on the ground. Talk about careless litter.
4. You could be offended that drones can fly but cars cannot.
5. You could be offended at Donald Trump’s hair.
6. You could be offended at coffee drinkers who treat their coffee cups like India’s sacred cow.
7. Be offended at trolls.
8. Be offended that grade schools teach Zero the Hero, but they don’t tell the kids that’s also the name of a Black Sabbath song.
9. Be offended by any company replacing human jobs with robots.
10. Definitely be offended by any movie with sloppy-cam. That pedantic crap died long ago.
11. You should be offended that most chewing gum is laced with chemicals masquerading as sweeteners.
12. Be offended at the size of your own bank account.
13. Be offended at the size of another man’s truck.
14. And yes, you can be offended at trucks with those rip-off, unauthorized Calvin stickers on them. Bill Watterson doesn’t get a dime off of those, even though he invented Calvin.
15. Be offended at the division of society in which you fit.
16. Be offended at anyone who stereotypes the division of society in which you fit.
17. Be offended that marketing and advertising agencies are trying to profile you by those stereotypes.
18. And you could be offended at anyone who fits in wherever they go. Weird, right?
19. You could be offended at people who are continually making lists.
20. Lastly, you could be offended at gumball machines that sell rubber balls that look like gumballs.