In honor and in loving memory of Rolling Stone’s amazing long-forgotten list of the 100 best gitardudes ever, I decided to make my own.
Here, for your listening pleasure, is the ultimate, ultimate you know what:
Herbert Butros Khaury: absolute number one of number ones. This TINY guy packed a real wallop with his blazing skill, his sTIMulating singing voice, and his mesmerizing on-stage persona. Seriously.
Sam Wills: okay, not really. I’ve been informed that Tape Face does not actually play the guitar. It’s a prop. Oh well, his show is fun anyway. If you have the time, check him out.
Brian Hugh Warner: always needs a colon, in, on, or around, his/her name somewhere. He/she di’n’t play geetar, but (s)he’s been known to smash a few, and she/he is so good at smashing.
Marshall Mathers: no one knows how many boy groupies you can gather around you better than this amazing musician-turned-poet. Apparently, in the ’90s, boys liked poetry.
Brian Patrick Carroll: is there something wrong with being named Brian? Why do all these Brians change their names?
Bill Righteous: totally righteous, dude!
Bob Righteous: sooo righteous.
John Simon Ritchie: “Something about this boy doesn’t seem right. Maybe you shouldn’t be his girlfriend.” -Top of the top ten things heard ’round him.
Saul Hudson: should’ve kept his real name. It’s cooler than his stage name.
Tyler Joseph: plays ukulele, bass, and six-string. We expect great things from him.
If you were thinking this would go to 100, just add Jack Black to the other 90 spots. There. Done.
Inspired by the silly, unquantified list recently created by Rolling Stone, which they dared call a list of the greatest guitarists, I went ahead and made my own. (By the way, if you check out their list, make sure you read the comments. There’s a territorial dog in there barking at everyone, “Bro, it’s not that deep. I’m sure there are other lists out there that look how you want them to look; go find them.” Well, I took the barking dog’s advice, even though he wasn’t telling me directly, and I didn’t find anything better really, so I figured it was all up to me. I had to make the ultimate list.)
Creating this list wasn’t easy. Except for the number one spot. Anyone can look at the numbers, yes real numbers, and see who has the simple-truth quantifiable status as the greatest. I used amount of work and amount of influence as the main standards. Certainly skill should play a part in defining someone as “great”, but can anyone continue making more and more albums without any skill? Of course not. Once you quantify it and set a standard, you can see how everyone relates.
Joe Satriani—With around 20 solo albums, the same number of collaborative albums, and numerous students, there’s really no doubt that Joe Satriani surpasses all other guitarists. As a solo artist, he is the most prolific. As a teacher, he has taught many who have in turn influenced and taught others. For collaboration, he is unmatched. You could play the Kevin Bacon game in Satriani’s name, only for music instead of movies. Some of Satriani’s collaborations can be surprising. Spinal Tap? Crowded House? Deep Purple? Yes, all of the above. Joe Satriani is the standard to measure all other guitarists.
Jimi Hendrix—Despite only having four albums, he remains the name most people think of when they think of guitar superheroes, and for good reason. Jimi’s music is experimental. He was skilled beyond his years. Like a samurai to his sword, Jimi was to his guitar. He influenced many to pick up the guitar and play.
Paul Gilbert—Racer X, Mr. Big, and his solo career with multiple, multiple albums. This dude has the skills of a guitar master and is prolific in the music arts.
Joan Jett—Undoubtely influential. Her success didn’t only resonate with guitarists, or female guitarists, or female musicians. She even influenced entrepreneurs the world over with her entrepreneurial drive, with her refusal to accept rejection.
Kim Thayil—Soundgarden. He is the sound and the power. ’Nuff said.
Tom Morello—The same Tom Morello of the bands Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave.
T-Bone Walker—The guy who influenced Jimi to play with his teeth or behind his head, and Chuck Berry to bend the strings.
Peggy Jones—“Lady Bo” or “The Queen Mother of Guitar” for sure persuades many who see her play lead guitar to try the instrument. Not only is she skilled, but the songs she played are still sweet-sounding today.
Chuck Berry—The man who taught everyone to write songs about cars and girls and “coolerators”. He truly makes the guitar playing look and sound as easy as “ringing a bell”.
George Harrison—The main man of the fab four. (For guitar, that is.)
Robby Krieger—The Doors were one of the most influential bands ever due to their amazingly cinematic sound. The guitar sound was, of course, due to Robby Krieger.
Dave Davies—The Kinks, a band who took Chuck Berry’s sound to new levels.
Charlie Christian—An underrated musician by many who look from the outside of the music world. He was an originator of the guitar solo.
Link Wray—Link is credited with the invention of the “power chord”. If you’ve ever heard the Batman theme song, you know his work.
Bo Diddley—Bo is an amazing musician, with superb skills at song writing and guitar playing.
Jimmy Page—Him of the Stairway to Heaven aesthetic.
Otis Taylor—A blues man of unparalleled skill.
Johnny Cash—A country man of unparalleled skill.
Elizabeth Cotten—An amazing left-handed guitarist, who taught herself and influenced many such as Pete Seeger and Bob Dylan.
Alex Lifeson—The lead guitarist of the band Rush. The fact that Rush has fans to this day says something about him.
David Gilmour—A guitarist of the band Pink Floyd, he has done tons of work for the music community.
Michael Schenker—Scorpions, UFO, Michael Schenker Group. He takes it above and beyond.
Angus Young—The lead guitarist of a band called AC/DC. His style is epileptic, but apparently that appeals to some people.
Eric Clapton—A guitar guy’s guitar guy.
Brian May—The guitarist of Queen. He is regarded by guitarists as an influence. Despite my aversion to his music, I have to respect his skill and apparent effect on others. This list is not a list of my faves, but quantifiably great guitarists.
Joni Mitchell—Folk musician who encouraged the likes of Seal and Prince.
Sister Rosetta Tharpe—She might get overlooked as a great guitarist because she played gospel music. People can be biased. I’m of the opinion that she played so well as to be an example of righteous shredding to many who followed.
Wes Montgomery—Invented thumb picking, a style adopted by many.
Eddie Van Halen—Touted by Joe Satriani as the “greatest guitarist of my generation.”
Michael Anthony—People came to see Eddie and were amazed at Michael Anthony’s skill as well. Bass players of all styles are influenced by him. From Van Halen to Chickenfoot.
Vernon Reid—Another, like Joan Jett, whose skill is so great it affects those outside the music community. He has a world-class talent.
Dick Dale—He brought the sounds of his homeland to the beach and the beach echoed it to the world.
Brian Setzer—Nobody ever listens to or sees Brian play without wanting to be just as cool as him.
Yngwie Malmsteen—The guitar shredder who dared show how closely related heavy metal and classical music really are.
Felicia Collins—She is famous for playing on the Late Show with David Letterman. Her skills have taken her far beyond late shows.
Jack White—The “Midas Touch” guy. His hands are on multiple projects.
Ritchie Blackmore—Rainbow, Deep Purple.
Glenn Tipton—Judas Priest. Similar to Brian May, in my eyes. He triggered the desire in many to pick up the guitar and play.
Alan Jackson—With loads of albums under his belt, this guitar-playing, vocal-crooning, star has 16 albums to his name.
Pete Townshend—The Who is his band. He was often mimicked, but never matched.
Alex Skolnik—Taught by Joe, he played in Testament and has done loads of solo stuff.
Kristy Wallace (Poison Ivy of the Cramps)—Has raised the bar on how much music can be written and played in a lifetime. The Cramps were around from 1976 to 2009. She played lead and bass guitar.
Keith Richards—Of the Rolling Stones, prolific and influential. Check and check.
Dickey Betts—Allman Brothers guitarist who is said to have had an effect on the direction of music as we know it because of his brilliant guitar work.
Geddy Lee—Rush bassist. The outstanding stand out, yes they do.
Carlos Santana—What list of guitarists is complete without Santana? His melodies are pristine. 25 studio albums! What!?
The Edge—U2’s favorite guitarist, not to mention many other’s.
Tim Farriss—INXS is internationally known because of him. 12 albums.
Eddie Vedder—The guy who fronts Pearl Jam. Mike McCready is an amazing guitarist, so why does everyone want to be like Vedder? Tell me.
Shawn Lane—Has worked with Ringo Starr, Johnny Cash, Joe Walsh, to name only a few.
Ross Childress—Collective Soul’s guitarist. He influenced every guitarist who didn’t want to just do grunge in the ‘90s.
Orianthi—Worked with Prince, Michael Jackson, and Alice Cooper. She also has a solo career.
Billy Duffy—The guitarist for The Cult. Amazing skill makes him a guitar superhero.
Suzi Gardner—Nobody rocks like L7. They spawned the Grrrl movement. Highly influential.
Donita Sparks—Nobody rocks like L7. They spawned the Grrrl movement. Highly influential.
Dave Mustaine—His band Megadeth is still in operation after many years. He was the driving force behind other bands. He has undoubtedly influenced many bands both great and small. 15 albums.
Tommy Victor—The lead guitarist and vocalist of Prong. 12 albums and still going strong. Bam!
Jerry Cantrell—Of Alice In Chains fame, Jerry has a huge following.
Bernard Sumner—The guitarist of New Order and Joy Division.
Johnny Marr—The Smiths is his original band. He has skills matched by few.
William Reid—The Jesus and Mary Chain may have borrowed some tricks from Hendrix, but they’ve also moved a future generation.
Larry LaLonde—Taught by Joe, his main band is Primus.
Vicki Peterson—The Bangles was her outlet. She is revered by many.
Flea—Often mimicked bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Real name: Michael Peter Balzary.
Buddy Guy—So many on this list were influenced by Buddy’s blues style.
Eric Johnson—Award-winning guitarist with a wide range of styles.
Bruce Wingate—The originator of speed.
Jack Steeples—If there was no Adrenalin O.D, would there be any thrash metal at all?
Kristin Hersh—Guitarist of Throwing Muses for 10 albums. College radio is in her debt for that. She also has 11 solo albums.
Wendy Melvoin—Worked with and possibly influenced Prince. Why is her name not more well-known?
Marty Friedman—Worked with Jason Becker on many projects.
Jason Becker—Worked with Marty Friedman on many projects.
Melissa Etheridge—The woman who could do it all, according to guitarists everywhere. She can play, she can sing, and she writes her own tunes.
Shuggie Otis—Plays the blues like a cat out in the rain.
Steve Vai—Plays the guitar with virtuosity.
Denny Laine—The bands Wings and the Moody Blues would have been lesser things without him.
Jack Johnson—Mellow music king, Jack Johnson has spawned an interest in acoustic art.
Mark Knopfler—A legend among guitar players. He has worked with Bob Dylan, Tina Turner, and many others.
Dean Roland—A Collective Soul guitarist. They busted through the grunge curtain right in the middle of it. Platinum selling albums.
Jesse Triplett—A Collective Soul guitarist. With Dean Roland, he made waves. 10 albums.
Jonny Greenwood—From Radiohead, he’s got a fair following.
Herman Li—A shredder who has impressive skills. Terribly influential right now.
Mark Tremonti—Creed, Alter Bridge, a guitarist who has greater influence than he knows.
Tony MacAlpine—13 albums, 5 bands, makes for a most persuasive place among those on this list.
Dave Murray—Iron Maiden guitarist who went on to other projects.
Joe Walsh—Multiple bands and prolific work.
Rusty Cooley—Loads of collaboration.
Mick Jones—The Clash guitarist who influenced Tom Morello, countless punk bands, and many others.
Joe Strummer—Is said to be the heart of The Clash.
Stevie Ray Vaughan—One highly artistic influencer.
Robert Johnson—Played the blues for everyone.
Jeff Beck—Yardbirds, The Jeff Beck Group. He’s been on people’s minds and on their turntables for generations.
John Lennon—He who put his stamp upon the world through his band the Beatles.
Paul McCartney—With John Lennon, he made a sound heard round the world.
Vinnie Moore—Played with UFO, Alice Cooper, and Dio.
Chris Shiflett—From his beginnings with No Use For A Name and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, he moved on to the Foo Fighters.
Billy Gibbons—Of ZZ Top, he convinced people to pick up the guitar and grow facial hair.
Cat Stevens—A mad artist who changed his name many times, but never changed his guitar style.
Dave Grohl—The artist formerly known as the Nirvana drummer, picked up a guitar and influenced us all with the Foo Fighters and some work with Queens of the Stone Age.
Chet Atkins—Credited by his peers as one of the most influential guitarists in country music.
The best evidence of extra-terrestrial life being peaceful is the long history we have of visitations. Admittedly, many sightings and encounters are most likely drug-induced or just plain faked. Some are more difficult to disbelieve.
A personal least-favorite chestnut of so-called alien sightings is when someone says they “saw a light”. Wow! Right? It must have been amazing, that light. Wowie zowie! Let’s see the video. Ah, yes, it is indeed a light. Only a light.
Unfortunately, seeing a light is hardly a verifiable alien sighting. It could have been a firefly, a meteorite, a reflective satellite, or a dozen other objects that produce or reflect light. Or the light could have been completely subjective: the viewer was the only one in the universe who saw the mysterious light. In which case, it could have been from a bump on the head, low blood sugar, or too much benzedrine.
My favorite alien story, I read in a book called Hunt for the Skinwalker. The book was about some people who bought a ranch the local natives said was cursed. The single story in the larger book seemed to say the ranchers had a trailer home on the property. They were off the property one day and came back to find a herd of cows literally stuffed inside the trailer. They suspected some kind of outside force, even though they couldn’t prove it was done by alien men. It was possible that earth men forced the cattle in the trailer, but the people thought the number of cows and how packed they were indicated a more advanced prankster was involved.
Whitley Strieber has some good fiction on the subject. His own story of being abducted by aliens is less compelling than his novels however. And his novels outshine the majority of the nonfiction accounts of ufo sightings or alien encounters.
Cattle, and other animal, mutilations could possibly indicate malicious beings visiting our planet—or they could indicate malicious men who already live on this planet. My wager is on the latter.
Men have been up to no good since the invention of politics. There are devious groups out there trying to generate fear. Certain individuals even try to encourage further belief in alien life forms to create disbelief in other worthwhile systems.
Another favorite story of mine is the entire first chapter of Ezekiel, which is debatable as possibly the description of angels, visions of transportation methods of the future, or an alien sighting.
Here is a small portion of Ezekiel 1:
12 And they went every one straight forward: whither the spirit was to go, they went; and they turned not when they went.
13 As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like burning coals of fire, and like the appearance of lamps: it went up and down among the living creatures; and the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning.
14 And the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of lightning.
For an edifying work, the Bible has its fair share of entertaining sections. No one would be disappointed if they decided to read the entire first chapter of Ezekiel. In fact, I’m amazed at how other people will notice aspects of the story I didn’t notice when I read it.
In other words: don’t be afraid to discuss this with your friends. The insights you’ll all get are astounding.
Only keep this one thing in mind: if Ezekiel, at the beginning of Earth’s recorded history, discovered aliens, if they showed themselves to him and we’re all still here, then how destructive could extra-terrestrial beings be?
I’m thinking the opposite of destructive, even peaceful.
This book is fun, fun, fun. The lyrical writing style is a smooth river flowing. It carries you along without any weird obstacles. Race-read this one.
Bee seems to be the main character at first, though the main focus shifts halfway through to another character named Cabbage.
Wonderfully, brilliantly, the children are the true heroes of the story. They make all the most important decisions and discoveries.
The magic is always there. It’s not so complicated as to require excessive description.
Unfortunately, the ending doesn’t feel like an ending. There’s a moderate amount of resolution at the end with a lot left unanswered. Now I have to find the sequel.
Drawing power *
Definitely draws you into the world. It’s almost like the writing is “magical”. Hmmmm.
Interest 1/2 *
Toby Forward’s characterization and plotting makes you want to know how the story goes, but the non-ending ruined this for me.
Offense *
Non-offensive. If you’re squeamish about insects, this story might frighten you.
Range of emotion *
Wide range and realistic drama.
Character *
Advanced character collisions make Fireborn massively entertaining.
Technic *
I’ve already mentioned the lyrical writing style. It is well-deserved to mention it again and to say Toby Forward should continue writing and creating melodies within the literary world.
Length
No ending.
Grand total: Fireborn by Toby Forward receives 5 1/2 stars
Chances are, if you’re celebrating Thanksgiving, you’ll also be watching a movie. If your house is like my house, you won’t need a movie. The movies will be quoted throughout Thanksgiving dinner. Mashed potatoes will be sculpted and someone will invariably say, “This means something.”
Even if your house isn’t like mine, maybe later, after the turkey-nap wears off, you’ll be in need of some entertainment. You’re going to wonder which movie to choose. The following are some of the absolute most quotable movies, and my suggestions for your choosing.
The first two don’t even need examples. Seems like everyone knows all the lines from these two movies. You likely have your own favorite quotes from these. I’ll only include one each of mine.
1. The Princess Bride
When Fezzig is in the holocaust cloak at the castle gate: “I am here. Soon you will not be here!”
2. The Wizard of Oz.
“I do believe in spooks.”
3. Spiderman (the best one by Sam Raimi)
“You don’t trust anyone.”
“I trust my barber.”
“Bonesaw is ready!”
“The cunning warrior attacks
neither body or mind.”
4. Apocalypse Now
“That gasoline smell. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”
“Them monkeys will bite.”
“The horror.”
“Some day this war’s gonna end.”
(I especially love this last quote, because Robert Duvall does a fantastic job making you wonder if he does or doesn’t want the war to end.)
5. Rubin and Ed
“It is el warmo out here.”
“How would you like a kick in the taco, buster?”
“My cat can eat a whole watermelon.”
6. Nacho Libre
“I smell cookies.”
“Do you not know I have had diarrheas since Easters?”
“Chancho, let me borrow some sweats.”
7. This Is Spinal Tap
“What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn’t he have rested on that day too?”
“He exploded on stage.”
8. The Hudsucker Proxy
“You know. For kids.”
“Only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about.”
9. The Emperor’s New Groove
“You threw off my groove.”
“Why do we even have that lever?”
“No one’s that heartless.”
10. Wayne’s World
“We’re not worthy.”
“Psycho hose beast.”
And finally, to round out a dozen, two more that you probably could recite all the way through from memory:
Xenosthesia.com 