Time for the first annual Smart Off, sponsored today by WordNerd, the language learning program that wisely teaches you all the cuss words before anything as common as “Hello.” So, “Hello,” all you bastardos apestosos. Welcome to the Smart Off, a challenge of witty proportions. Should you choose to participate, you’ll need to borrow a #2 pencil from someone, break it in half and give them back the half without the eraser. Now that you have an eraser, travel to any poster, magazine, or newspaper (your town may have some free ones) and once you’ve gained access to one of these, take that eraser and erase all the eyes out of or off of the whole thing. Try not to put holes in the product; it looks so much more freaky if there’s some two-dimensional material left behind. Now that you’ve performed the pre-game ceremony, it’s time for the real program. Take yourself to the nearest social media where you can comment on anyone’s and everyone’s words. Get on there and make your first five comments “Yeah, right.” Make your next five comments “As if.” There may be something better, more clever, smarter, wiser you could say. If such cleverness comes to you, dispense it! Fifteen to twenty smart comments gets you a bronze medal in the Smart Off; twenty to twenty-five is a silver medal; thirty is gold!
Xenosthesia.com 