20 reactions

Occasionally in life we’re confronted with those incredibly grouchy people who simply cannot be persuaded to find the good in anything. On those occasions it can be helpful to be armed with a few phrases to either interrupt the grouchy pattern or create enough of a diversion to make an escape.

Here are 20 potential responses:

1. Wow! Someone needs a nap!
2. …And a juice box!
3. Did you forget your meds?
4. Oh. Whoa. You’re ready to go postal. Someone call 911!
5. You really need Jesus.
6. Is that your political face? The voters are running scared.
7. Did your dog die?
8. Did you die…on the inside?
9. Who let you out of the rest home?
10. Are you channeling Hitler?
11. How long ago did you work for Hitler?
12. Are you rehearsing for a horror movie?
13. (Stare at their forehead.) I can’t even see the lobotomy scar.
14. Encouraging ganja use wherever you go, right?
15. Aww, does oo needs a dahpoo change?
16. If grouch energy could be stored, you’d fuel the nation.
17. If you keep making that face, it could get stuck that way.
18. (Bark whenever they speak.) (Every word.)
19. (Yawn.) Too boring. Could you spice it up a little?
20. (Put in earbuds. Stare at your phone.)

Bonus response:

21. You really, really, really need Jesus.