Valentine

February is the time all those who fell in love start thinking about things more serious. Like what to do when that special someone finds out you don’t care for puppies. Oh sure, they’re cute—both the puppies and the special someone—but the puppies don’t excite you, the same way puppy poop doesn’t excite you. So maybe that girl or guy won’t like you so much after she or he finds out you can’t deal with the poop. That’s serious.

Love. It takes a whole lot of love to deal with some of the things other people like, especially if you don’t like those things.

Love keeps us together even when we find out we have differences. Said a different way: if the differences tear you apart, then you must not be in love. If you’re in love and that one you love confesses they don’t love puppies, you’ll give the puppy up for adoption.

The differences are what make us remember each other, too.

Without differences we’re all homogenized and that’s dull and immemorable—like watching soccer.

If you happen to be a male personage, you might do well to learn what the female half of the universe does and thinks and feels. Likewise, if you are a female, you would probably like to solve the mystery of the male personage.

When females have a bad day, they often like to get some shopping done. If you know her, she’ll tell you it’s “retail therapy” or “the giver’s high.” She’ll say she’s shopping for someone else, and nine times out of ten that will be true.

Somehow shopping cures what ails her. So, dudes, just let it happen.

Females also enjoy things that smell good. If you’re a female, raise your hand. Oh, WOW! Did you smell that? Even her hand smells good. She has a working nose, which is another way of saying she can smell things you dudes can’t. So, yes, when you buy her a flower, it really is a thoughtful gift. She will enjoy the flower’s scent as well as the color.

Women see colors a little differently than men see the same colors. This doesn’t mean either one of them is wrong when they say the color is more green, or more blue, or whatever. It only means they each see it from their own perspective. You men should take into account, though, that when she says she thinks a certain color is beautiful, and you don’t particularly like that color, it’s because she is seeing it as a slightly different variation than the one you’re seeing. Believe her that it’s beautiful. Simply believe.

Notice, too, if she wears a particular color a lot of the time, it probably means she really likes that color.

This doesn’t mean you should wear the same color if you want to be the special man in her life. In fact, don’t go letting her pick your fashion. She’ll never respect you. How could anyone respect a clothing store man-ee-kin? Don’t be a man-ee-kin, be a man. Let her wear her own colors, and you wear yours.

The same advice applies to the women: Don’t let him dictate what you wear. Not even if you have a difficult time making decisions. He won’t give you any good fashion advice. Trust that his fashion sense is as good as his sense of smell. When the day comes that he can smell rotten leftovers without opening the fridge, that might be the same day you can trust his sense of fashion, girlfriend.

Then again, it might not. One sense doesn’t heighten another.

When you’re thinking of getting him a simple gift, don’t think flowers, think food. What kind of food would he buy himself? Get that.

But if you’re thinking of marrying this dude, don’t go cooking the food gift for him. No woman should set that kind of precedent. In fact, it might be extremely valuable information, for you women, to know if he can figure out how to cook anything. If he doesn’t have those sort of survival skills, is he worth much time?

While you’re judging him, you definitely should be that nosy girlfriend, and find out what kind of music he likes. Can he listen to the same kind of music you like? Or does he force you to listen to what he likes all the time? It’s okay if he can’t dance. It’s even okay if he doesn’t enjoy danceable music. But if he doesn’t ever listen to it when you want to hear it, you might have a problem child rather than a man. There is one exception to this, ladies. If you already heard the same song three times and try to give it another listen, he isn’t the problem child, you are. Three repeats is the limit. After that it’s no longer music, it’s a torture device.

Men enjoy sports too, so don’t be afraid to watch him playing whatever sport he plays. If he’s the one watching sports, well, you might want to go back to that question of whether he can survive on his own cooking. He doesn’t play his own sports—can he do his own cooking?

Men aren’t the only ones who enjoy playing sports. Women should be bold enough to invite the men to play—and bold enough to win! Dont hold back!