How To

Posted byKurt Gailey Leave a comment on How To

How to get friends:

  1. Get serious.
  2. Get angry.
  3. Get lost.
  4. Get over it.
  5. Stay over it.

How to ride a skateboard:

  1. Plant feet on board.
  2. Call your board a stick.
  3. Move stick to halfpipe.
  4. Halfpipe to air, grab stick.
  5. Air to rail, grab nads.
  6. Your nads.

How to start a rock band:

  1. Hire high school friends.
  2. Come up with a name.
  3. Fire drummer.
  4. Get a new drummer.
  5. Practice in your garage.
  6. Find your sound.

How to plant a garden:

  1. Prepare soil (compost: ash, eggshells, orange peels, etc.)
  2. Ensure worms live there.
  3. Divide ground.
  4. Introduce irrigation.
  5. Plant seeds.
  6. Remove weeds.

How to make peanut butter: 

  1. Open bag slowly—about a half an hour.
  2. Take out one M.
  3. Pop M in mouth.
  4. Suck.
  5. When candy coating and chocolate are dissolved, chew. Peanut butter!

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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