No, not that kind of sweater.

What kind of sweater are you? There are so many different kinds.

There are so many different ways to SWEAT.

1. Armpit sweater: the most common type and possibly the easiest to handle (unless it’s a number 13).

2. Chest sweater: usually noticeable on guys when they exercise.

3. Forehead sweater: you know it’s going to end up on the back of the hand.

4. Under-the-hair sweater: it comes leaking, creeping out.

5. Back sweater: again, this is mostly guys when they exercise, but exactly like chest sweat, women experience it too.

6. Everywhere sweater: those poor souls.

7. “Aaaugh! It’s in my eyes!” sweater: if this ever happens to you, then you know how bad it can be.

8. Crotch sweater: ewww!

9. Palm sweater: do NOT shake hands.

10. Back-of-the-knees sweater: gets stuck to the leather sofa.

11. Neck sweater: brown collar on a white shirt.

12. Just-drank-a-beer sweater: sometimes known as the maintain-your-distance sweater (see number 13).

13. 13 foot sweater: minimum distance to keep the nose alive.

14. Beltline sweater: how?

15. Nervous sweater: doesn’t even have to work, only worry.

16. And those who only “glisten”. Create your own reality.

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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