By their fruits you shall know them. Fruit of your loins and fruit of your actions. Everything is fruit. We are apples of someone’s eye and apples of the sun. We have Adam’s apples, and coconuts. We are dried up old prunes. We smell fresh like lemons. A pregnant woman is said to look like she’s hiding a watermelon. The baby is the watermelon. Knock on someone’s melon, though, and you’ve knocked on their skull.

At what point will we stop referring to fruit when we talk about ourselves?


When we start referring to vegetables.

You can get cauliflower ear. Your muscles can be like mashed potatoes. If you’re tall and skinny, you’re a bean pole. 

Because we’re human, we compare ourselves to everything. There’s really no end to it. We’re animals.

A lizard, a chicken, a monkey. A loyal mutt, strong as a horse, sly as a fox.

Slippery as an _____.

Proud as a _____.

Slow as a _____.

You know the answers to the above because you’ve heard the references at least a hundred times before. Our comparisons go on forever, and that’s a long, long way. It’s to the point you’ll have to choose if you want to be fruit, vegetable, or animal. Well, which is it?

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, twelve screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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