1. Find someone who speaks a foreign language: French, Urdu, Japanese, whatever. Tell your pet DST Fool that you suspect shifting clocks has put you in a different time zone. Have the foreign language speaker call them on the phone several times during the day. Sit back and watch your Fool get super confused.
2. With the kind of salt and pepper shakers with the screw-on caps, take the salt shaker and remove the cap. Get a napkin. Get some clear tape. Place the napkin across the open top of the salt shaker. Place a piece of clear tape over the holes in the cap of the shaker. Fill the cap of the shaker with pepper. Carefully tip the cap back on the shaker over the napkin and screw it back on. Some parts of the napkin should poke out from beneath. Tear it off until it’s no longer visible. With the shaker upright, remove the clear tape. When the DST Fool tries to get salt, they’ll get pepper.
3. Change all the clocks in your house or place of business to different times. Ten minutes fast. Ten minutes slow. Eighteen minutes ahead of the time in Hong Kong. Forty two minutes ahead of the time in Cork. DST Fools have an obsessive-compulsive need to adjust clocks. It will drive them crazy trying to synchronize all the clocks near them.
4. Get some raisins. Get a magazine and roll it up. Palm a raisin. Go up to a DST Fool and slap the magazine down on a table or counter or desk near them and pretend you’ve swatted a fly. Pick up the “fly” (the raisin from your hand) and eat it.
5. Get some POP-ITS brand fireworks. Any mild fireworks that make noise when crushed will work, but POP-ITS are best. Place them where the toilet seat comes down. Gently lower the seat on top of the POP-ITS. When your victim sits down they’ll hear a Pop! You’ll laugh. They’ll laugh. It’s all in good fun.
6. If they drink coffee, switch their caffeinated grounds with decaf, or their decaf with caffeinated grounds. They’ll love you for this one, either way.
7. Get your hands on one of those one-million-lumen searchlights. Set it up outside your DST Fool’s bedroom window and aim it in. Find out what time they’ve set their alarm to wake them in the morning. Turn on the searchlight one hour before their wake-up time. Brilliant!
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