Places I’ve Never Been

Lots of people want to know where Flin Flon is, so I say, “Look it up.”

Other places may be as interesting, if only judging by their clever names. I’ve never been to North Dakota, but Zap, North Dakota sounds like it could be thrilling, maybe even…electrifying?

Bald Head, Maine may not be as exciting as Zap, but it sounds funny—like a silly old man. That old man probably has a few jokes fresh enough to listen to for the first few tellings.

Two Egg, Florida is either a breakfast-loving town or a place that likes to produce birds.

Of course, there’s always Big Foot, Illinois for all of our cryptozoological needs. Let’s go there and see if we can spot some strange creatures. Do you want to go with me?

There’s one place I’ve never been that I really want to go check out, and that’s Boring, Maryland. Boring is the kind of name you give a town where lots of stuff is happening but you don’t want more people to show up.

The same tactic may be behind the naming of Okay, Oklahoma, but it may only be a play on the first two letters of the state’s name. Do you think it’s a swell place? Is it alright?

The place I’m not so sure about is Lawyersville, New York. It might be a great location for lawyers. However, it may not be a good town to visit if you fear being sued for all the ones in your wallet.

Ben Hur, Texas is probably super fun if you really enjoy chariot races. Or possibly if you really enjoy Charlton Heston movies. These are things which appeal to specific tastes. Much like Disco, Tennessee. Disco, Tennessee is probably where you could find the most mirrorballs in the world.

Speaking of tastes, there’s a Chocolate Bayou, Texas. What do you suppose they have there? Is there chocolate? Is there a bayou? Is there really chocolate in the bayou, or is it just brown water and so they decided to call it Chocolate?

Eclectic, Alabama has to be the best, doesn’t it? Possibly that one depends on the opinion of whoever made the selection.

Muck City, Alabama could be the worst, but somehow I don’t think so. It probably is really clean, but what would attract anyone to tourist there? I think I’ll go anyway to find out what a tourist might do.

The same might be said of Roachtown, Illinois. Could be nice, but what is there to see?

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t fit in, you might like Odd, West Virginia. You might say, “That’s my kind of town.” You never know until you try.

Then there’s Panic, Pennsylvania, with its constant urge to lose control. Who can resist?

If you’re still intrigued enough to go with me, our last stop will be Frankenstein, Missouri. On the other hand, it might be River Styx, Ohio. Whichever is our last, it’s going to be a fantastic journey visiting all these places with strange names.