Why do construction crews wait ‘til everyone’s asleep to start digging up Mother Earth?
It’s no coincidence that gravy and gravity are almost the same word.
Learned something difficult to believe today. Joe Pesci (the guy from Home Alone, Goodfellas) once played music with Jimi Hendrix. What?!
Gave my kid a haircut today. Asked him if he wanted Thor Avengers Assemble, or Thor Ragnarok.
I’ve tried to do the thankful thing but each time the word feast comes with a side of sarcasm.
A V8 can make a dull sandwich taste like a gourmet sandwich.
One way to know if a man is lying: ask his mother.
There are about 600 million cats in the world, but 900 million dogs. Why does it feel like the dogs need to answer for the difference in numbers?
Me: All our needs are met with cold cereal and comic books. My child, wiser than me: And Jesus.
Xenosthesia.com 