So many negative emotions roll through your heart and brain when you realize it’s time to go to the doctor that it’s a wonder any of us are healthy at all. Pre-visit anxiety is enough to start you down the path to having a coronary, or an aneurysm. Which, of course, would cause you to need medical help.
The best way to battle this anxiety is to put on the white shirt yourself. No, you don’t need any sort of degree. Why bother sitting through endless hours of college just so you can put on a white smock? Unnecessary.
Here’s all you need to practice the science of medicine:
- If someone has an issue you don’t want to deal with, claim you specialize in something different. For instance, say the patient has a bad case of foot fungus. All you have to do is claim you’re an ear, nose, and throat doctor.
- If someone has an issue which doesn’t frighten you, use a lot of words that sound like Latin. “The problem here is not in the Swifticus Pantskickimus, but in the Arachnosmashoid Complex.” Should the patient understand what you’re saying, they must be a doctor too.
- Feigned concern is not only a great way to earn money, it’s also a good excuse to exit any room. “Oh, I want to help. I’ll run and get a splice kit, or a sample kit, or an amputation kit. One of those ought to do it.”
- Scrubs on Fridays is really just another way of saying Pajama-day at work.
- Lastly, never forget this phrase: “Don’t Google it. That’s my job.”
Xenosthesia.com 