Snow Fort

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The real deal in winter is having a snow fort. Nothing better in the snowy white world than having a place to hide from your enemies. Of course it’s a great place to cache a stash of snowballs. In the right kind of snow fort though, you can have every normal house comfort: heat, food, television.

Yes, you read that right. I said television.

Walls of snow, so you can’t exactly have outlets…unless you get really creative. Some people bring in the gas-powered generator, or the exercise bike with the pedal-powered generator.

When I built my snow fort, I went nuclear. Just a small nuclear-powered generator about the size of your average refrigerator. Half a cup of uranium is the main ingredient. Then for safety, bury the generator in lots of snow. Boom! The perfect, powered snow fort.

I didn’t mean Boom! as in Chernobyl or 3 Mile Boom. I was thinking it’s really swell, nifty, neato stuff, you know? I meant Boom! like a snowball catapult. I meant Boom! like a snowman with arms and legs. I meant Boom! like the best aspect of everything you ever knew or ever will know in the snow. Hockey, anyone?

Did you know that snow melts in strata? That means it melts in layers. The layers melt, but then the layers refreeze on top of each other. The stratification of melted snow is one of the reasons you get that wonderful crunch sound when you walk on it. It’s also one of the reasons people learned to make igloos. By putting a fire inside the hollowed-out space inside the snow they warmed the inner walls enough to melt. The inner walls melted, the fire died, and the walls refroze. Such a strong and efficient house building technic, we should all learn how to build an igloo.

Essential items for a snow fort:

Slingshot (and a pile of small stones for ammo).

BB gun (and lots of BBs).

Comic books (or a television with some good animation like Ben Ten).

Six bags of beef jerky.

A hollowed out portion with a snow door to be used as a cooler. Store drinks and perishable food stuff in there.

Firewood.

Firestarter.

Binoculars.

Snowshoes.

Snowball stash.

Sleeping bag (unless you’re really dedicated to authenticity and want an animal skin to curl up in).

Published by Kurt Gailey

This is where I'm supposed to brag about how I've written seven novels, five screenplays, thousands of short stories, four self-help books, and one children's early-reader, but I'd rather stay humble. You can find out about things I've written or follow my barchive (web archive, aka 'blog) at xenosthesia.com or follow me on twitter @kurt_gailey. I love sports and music and books, so if you're an athlete or in a band or you're a writer, give me a follow and I'll most likely follow you back. I've even been known to promote other people's projects.

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