The first rule, the ultimate rule, is if you get injured you don’t report it to anyone…we don’t want the skate park closed down. Better to live your whole life with a broken wrist than to tell some overzealous adult that you damaged your wrist at the skate park, because then they might put a bunch of fences around it and “investigate” our playground for safety issues. The problem with adults investigating is this: they don’t skate. They don’t understand the difference between a skate-able feature and a hazard. The biggest hazard is a skate park with fences around it. Believe it.
Second rule, much like the first, is if you really can’t stand the pain, tell someone you broke your wrist playing football. They’ll totally buy that. Football is dangerous. Plus, if they close down the stadium to “investigate” or something like that, no one will care.
Third rule, of course, is never invite your parents to the skate park. One of them will see a sick trick and think it looks “life-threatening”. Then they’ll get all protective about their children and you end up getting the skate park closed down again. Don’t do it.
Aside from those three major rules, there are the other rules. Like, if there’s a little kid on a scooter, be careful around him. Don’t run him over. He’s a future skater. Make sure he knows the rule about wearing a helmet.
Elbow pads are required until you’re eight, and then you gotta take those goofy things off.
Knee pads are cool no matter what your age. There are a couple of rules about knee pads. One is that whenever you take your knee pads off, you ask someone nearby to smell them. The other rule is to never smell someone else’s knee pads.
When you get done spilling off the ramp, get your board and your butt out of the way. Someone else wants to ride that ramp, like right now, not after you’ve done first aid.
If your board goes one way, and you go the other way, learn how to grab it next time. Don’t be a two-way obstacle.
If you manage to crash with your face, first ask if anyone got that on video, then sweep up your teeth. Nothing stops a board worse than a tooth on the ground.
Riding against traffic is okay, as long as you’re on the highway. At the skate park we never do that. Thanks for whipping me with your shirt tails too, by the way. Jerk.
If you bring pizza, you better bring enough for everyone.
If you bring a drink, pick up after yourself. It’s not fun skating through piles of plastic bottles. Unless they’re filled with gas and you light them on fire. I’ve only seen that once, to be honest, and it didn’t end well…but it was fun to watch!