Not too long ago I saw an article on a fitness web site that claimed to have a “manly” “get-your-pump-on” playlist. They claimed it was a great playlist for lifting weights. Featured were some seriously unmanly artists like Marshall Mathers and some other goofy kid with the last name Dogg that I’ve already forgotten. I’ll admit that human tastes run to every end of the musical spectrum. But here’s a clue for you: silence. What does silence mean? Especially when you show someone the error of their ways, which I tried to do in a comment on their site.
Silence, in this case, means they had no rebuttal to offer. Did they even look at my comment? I wonder. The only satisfaction I have is that there were no replies but mine when I left the site. There could have been some later, but I haven’t visited since. I must have been one of the first to see the article, and in defense of the web site, I so wanted for them to have some good suggestions. I clicked their link, didn’t I? They had me visiting their site, but then they let me down.
One of the other suggestions on the playlist they created was AC/DC. It stuck out like an elephant trying to hide among hippos. So here’s what I had to say about that.
“I find it interesting that your playlist contains both Eminem and AC/DC. These are complete opposites. Eminem even describes himself as ‘slim’ and ‘shady’, two words that describe turds really well. But none of his songs really get my ‘pump on’, if you know what I mean. I would use other words to describe his music: words like flaccid, querulous, and pusillanimous. AC/DC, on the other hand, I would describe with words like priapic, energetic, and yes even manly. Their music could be included in a pumping-iron playlist, though I might choose a whole different set of songs. I tried to listen to some of the selections you have on this list, but they made me feel like a nervous butterfly. How’s a nervous butterfly going to lift anything? Hells bells! next time warn me that your playlist is for children who don’t know the difference between Eminem and AC/DC.”
Okay, granted that might have come off a bit over the top critical, but they gotta understand, don’t they? Do you think they actually use their own playlist when they exercise, or were they just aiming for a demographic? If it’s the latter, then I hope some of that younger generation demographic reads my comment and understands those words I used. They’ll get the difference eventually. Sooner’s better than later, though.
Of course I’d be a fool and a hypocrite if I didn’t include my own preferred playlist. Feel free to criticize it. You know I would.
“Breakdown” by The Blackwater Fever
“Back to Shalla Bal” by Joe Satriani
“Voodoo Child (Slight Return)” by Jimi Hendrix
“Freedom of Expression (F.O.X.)” by Living Colour
“Mr. Surfer Goes Jazzin’ ” by The Brian Setzer Orchestra
“Grinder” by Big Black
“Mexicola” by Queens of the Stone Age
“Dialectic Chaos” by Megadeth
“Water” by ohGr
“Hey Man, Nice Shot” by Filter
“Sunburn” by ohGr
“Do the Evolution” by Pearl Jam
“It Ain’t Like That” by Alice in Chains
As a final note, I have a friend who gets his “pump on” every day. He’s huge. He would make a playlist containing only Slipknot songs. How do I know this? I asked him. He’s that guy you see at the gym lifting the entire weight stack. Anyway, I’m not saying that listening to Slipknot will make you huge. I’m not saying that the playlist I made here will get you pumped either. But I will say that you’ll get a lot more confident in your weight lifting with songs that were made by confident artists. Try to stay away from any music that uses the word “bitch” in it. That’ll shrink your wank like an old man in a saltpeter sponge bath.