Why brush or broom when, with a breeze, you can clear the room? Freeze that sneeze behind your eyes it’s no surprise your head will go boom! A foreign word is what you heard on the train to Marakesh. Don’t fall in to a world of sin, you’ll burn inside your flesh. A gentle nod, a prayer to God, not days spent alone; a love of your own, peace, solace, and eternal love. Some love is fleeting, not worth repeating, others are like an angel from above. As for what’s next—you’ll send me some text and it will magically appear in a box in my pocket.
Pocket boxes are a future wave, if you want one for yourself, you’ll have to behave. Sailing the wild sea on a dried and treated tree. Not much room for you and me, but we’ll travel until we’re free, from the aft of this drafty raft. Lots of time to think means ranging away from the old thoughts, greasy thoughts, poetic thoughts, or even wrong thoughts, but it can also mean—rabbit holes! Dive into the info on the screen, there’s a world of knowledge up in that scene. Ask questions to get there faster, now who’s your master? It’s the fuel, it’s the gas, it’s reducing intrinsic mass. It’s lift, it’s thrust, it’s about leaving a trail of dust. Button in the bucket, wig on the bust. The kittens are savage, there’s no bone they won’t ravage. When it’s time to take a hike, don’t drop the mic—it doesn’t belong to you.
As I was doing a variety of things at the BMX park on my mountain bike, I was wondering if I was really “mountain biking.”
Then, of course, I saw my own inability to pin down what exactly mountain biking is. This is how research happens.
Though the first bicycle was made in 1871, mountain biking itself all started on Mount Tamalpais in Marin County, California in the 1970s. The idea may have come before that with Europeans going cross country on their road bikes, but that style could also be considered “Cyclocross” or “Gravel Biking”. Rather than using road bikes, these guys in California initially used cruisers: a kind of bike which allows the rider to sit more upright instead of hunching over for aerodynamics. Also, the pioneers of mountain biking didn’t necessarily go cross country or race in a circle, but instead went up the mountain and then came back down.
Cruiser
While cyclocross in its infancy introduced cyclists to offroad riding, there was not much experimentation with the bicycle form. Mountain biking, on the other hand, seemed to spawn new ideas for bikes faster than you can say, “I think I just ate a bug!”
The man often credited for inventing the sport of mountain biking, Joe Breeze, even made his own frames, then soon got into making them for others. And there he goes down in history again for being the first person to sell a mountain bike.
Joe Breeze’s designs for bikes were soon mimicked by other bike builders, and the sport started to gain notice in other parts of the world. It wasn’t long before the tires got fatter and knobbier. It would take quite a few more years before bike builders started to get their ideas from motorcycle engineering. Once that happened though, then mountain bikes got mega-shocks, hydraulics, and disc brakes. Not all of these “advancements” were truly advances, but that’s an opinion I’ll save for another article.
The point here is that much of what defines “Mountain Biking” is the style of the bike. There are a few variations, but the standards are these:
1. Relatively straight handlebars which extend to slightly wider than the rider’s shoulder width.
2. Frame designed to take more abuse than a road bike or a BMX bike.
3. 1 to 30 gears depending on rider’s preference.
4. 4 to 12 inches (100 to 300 millimeters) of suspension travel.
5. 6 to 8 inch disc brakes, when discs are used.
6. Wider tires than a BMX bike. Thinner tires than a motorcycle.
That last one isn’t always true anymore with the popularity of “Fat Bikes” taking the mountain biking sport into the winter months. When they say fat, they do mean fat. Some fat bikes have tires thicker than elephant legs. The design is like riding a snowshoe, so it makes riding in the snow that much easier.
There’s also an honor code in mountain biking. With the honor code there’s a set of rules; an etiquette, if you care to call it such.
The rules are these:
1. Right of way on every trail belongs to: hikers, horses and their riders, and bikers going uphill.
2. Stay center trail through puddles, or jump over the puddles.
3. Leave no trace.
4. If you break it, you fix it.
5. Announce yourself when coming up behind anyone.
6. Don’t stop mid-trail.
7. Offer help to anyone and everyone who has stopped off to the side of the trail.
Some of the acronyms for biking in general can be confusing. Here are a few to help you get an idea what everyone is talking about:
ATV: All Terrain Vehicle
BMX: Bicycle-like Motocross
CX: Cyclocross
MTB: MounTain Bike
MX: Motocross
Some of the lingo, phraseology, lexicon of mountain biking can be confusing too, if you haven’t been in the middle of it. So the following are a few favorites:
Armor: head to toe padding for those who fall down a lot.
Baby Heads: referring to the size of certain rocks on the trail.
Berm: a humped section of trail built to make cornering easier; also, sometimes forming a jump (berm jump).
Cheater: an electric bike. This is prejudice, of course, and it only really applies if the e-bike is in a race.
Drop: an overhang with a sloped transition below it.
Full Suspension: a bike with front and rear suspension.
Gap-jump: this comes from BMX riding, and it refers to a jump with a landing and a lot of air in between.
Hardtail: a bike with front suspension, but no rear shock absorber.
Ladders: wooden-runged ladders usually laid horizontal to add interest to some trails.
Single Track: a trail with only enough room for one bike, because the path is as wide as a tire.
Skinnies: initially just a log to balance on, a skinny can also be other items, such as ladders, made barely wide enough for a tire.
One thing to note is that there is a lot of debate over e-bikes. There are many arguments for and against. There are even trails which prohibit e-bikes. The term “cheater” is derogatory—used as an insult mainly by those with the stamina to get up steep hills. Even though I prefer to climb by my own power, I recognize not everyone has the stamina, some because they are just starting, others because they’ve aged out of stamina. Regardless of where everyone is on the spectrum, the prejudice neglects to acknowledge one critical historical note—the fact that many of the most beautiful single track trails were made by motorcycles. The offroading motorcycle community came long before the offroading cycling community, and the mountains have the evidence to prove it. I’m not the only one who looks at the e-bike as just another motorcycle. There are many more varieties of electric motorcycles now than ever before. This is my reasoning for wanting e-bikes on the trails—because they can be a great tool for making trails for everyone. Also, if you were taking shovels and other tools up to repair trails, an e-bike would be a smart option. The next best option after an e-bike would be a pack animal, like a mule.
The summary and fine-tuning of the definition is simple. Mountain biking is riding up the mountain, then coming back down, requires a mountain bike, and requires one to have manners on the trail.
You’re not going to believe this. The names of many prescription drugs will have you scratching your head in confusion or rolling on the floor laughing. Your reaction may depend on how you choose to pronounce the names. It must be admitted, though, that while I was perusing this list, I couldn’t help but make up a few of my own. Those which were invented by me will be flagged as such. As you read through, have fun thinking up some of your own.
Amen (this is real, it’s progesterone)
Actitex (imadeitup)
Anexsia
Aristocort
Aspergum
Beepen VK
Bumex (no kidding)
Camalox
Chooz
Cromagazine (imiu)
Di-Spaz
Empirin
Endafed
Ethnozine (imiu)
Fastin
Femazole
Flurbiprofen
Gastonate (imiu)
Hubristine (imiu)
Hygroton
Hyzaar
Intensol
Janimine
Kaylixir
K-G Elixir (I wish I thought of it first)
Kilopril (imiu)
Lasix
Levatol
Lopressor
Lorabid
Lowsium
Magmalin
Masculozole (imiu)
Mykrox
Naturetin
Omnipen
Ovral
Penetrex
Pork NPH Iletin II
Proctocream
Questran
Quagmirizine (imiu)
Ratio
Relaxadon
Roxilox
Rythmol
Skelaxin
Snaplets-EX Granules
Spectrobid
Sporanox
Sterapred
Tanoral
Taxol
Tempo
Ten-K
Totacillin
Trimpex
Urex
Uro-Mag
Valium (common)
Veetids
Vermox
Weh-less
Wymox
Xanax (common)
Xanthanadu (imiu)
Yoyoziprole (imiu)
Zestoretic
Zoologiderm (imiu)
One other thing I noticed was that only one of these was underlined in red, and it wasn’t even one of the names I made up, it was a real prescription drug. Apparently spell-check recognizes even the fake ones.
Did you know the Egyptians used to prepare corpses for a second life by embalming and mummifying them?
The embalming is fascinating because it was recognized that certain parts of the body decayed in different ways. Much of what was in the gut would not only rot itself, but the flesh and bones around the intestinal cavity as well.
The Egyptians realized removing everything from the abdomen would allow what remained—to remain.
Part of the embalmation process was to thrust a rod or tube up through the nasal cavity, then to dig with pick and shovel to remove the brain out through the hole. Just kidding about the shovel. The pick though, was real, just not the pick one might think of someone using to dig.
It was not a pickax, but a smaller metal pick with a hooked end for grabbing and pulling brain tissue through a tiny hole.
This is fascinating in a revealing sort of way. When you ask yourself the question, “Where does my spirit reside within my body?” you might be tempted to say it resides in your head. But consider the way the Egyptians thought about this question. They didn’t believe there was any purpose to the brain, because it was so temporary. It didn’t last forever so it didn’t earn a place among that which was saved. That which could last forever was given high status in the tomb, and even given preservatives to ensure it could last forever.
Flesh and bones were wrapped and laid in golden slumber.
The brain, though given a high priority, and high status to us in this day and age, still doesn’t remain for long after death when left to its own fluids. Along those same lines, neither does the heart. Many people might say the heart is where the spirit resides. If so, does the spirit shrivel up and turn into a rotting black stone?
That was a morbid joke. Apologies to anyone out there who wasn’t ready for that sort of Addam’s Family humor.
Regardless of whether you find the subject humorous or fascinating, I still believe it’s worth entertaining some thought on the subject.
Xenosthesia.com 