Motivation Ninja

Not that everybody has the same goals for their offspring, but here are a few tips on how to motivate them, from an “expert” father.

For instance, you may want to encourage your child to find work so they can learn life skills, pay their way, and get out of the house sometimes. One way to give any child the right amount of motivation is to promise them if they stay around the house then you’ll be giving a lecture on the origins of babies.

This worked amazingly well for me. My son was planning on hanging around all day to do a whole lot of nothing. When I offered the lecture, he went out and got a job the same day.

Of course I congratulated him. “Good job on getting a job! You’re the most talented 10 year old I know.”

It can be difficult to get the young’uns to do homework. Most of us don’t want to do work when we get home. Home is supposed to be our sanctuary. A peaceful home is one where everyone can do what they want. Since a lot of homework happens online anymore, the tendency is to find a game instead. One possible solution is to hire an online assassin. Then you watch as your child’s character is destroyed.

“So, uh, now that the game is over, and you’re dead, I guess you may as well finish that math assignment.”

Want your child to get out of bed on time? There’s an invention out there which rolls up the covers at the end of the bed. It’s automatic, so it can be set on a timer. At the appropriate hour, the covers all roll up like a window shade. If that isn’t motivation enough, you can set the child’s alarm clock to play YOUR favorite music. They’ll rush to turn it off, no doubt about it. Last, but not least, you can set an alarm and hide it somewhere in the house. Kids love to go on treasure hunts.

Teach your daughter politics by taking her to the grocery store. Show her the produce section, and say, “I can get 17 different types of apples at the grocery store, but there are only two choices for President?! That’s un-American!”

Do you wish your son didn’t watch so much television? Tell him you’re going to get him excited about archery. First you buy the arrows, then the bow, then the targ…no, you don’t need a target. You already have one. Drag that old TV set outside and set it up, ready to shoot.