So You Think You’re in the Olympics

This is the time of year when a fistful of knuckleheads will end up at the local fitness center and throw the weights on the floor.

Why do they do that?

Because they saw it in the Olympic Games.

Never mind that the floor of the local fitness center is made of cement rather than wood like they use in many strength competitions.

The knuckleheads chip the concrete, then bellow as if they were something fierce in nature.

Yeah right knucklehead, you’re Olympic material, aren’t you? Yeah you are…in your own mind.

Then there are the imaginary Olympic swimmers. They jump in the lake, the local pool, or the backyard pool. They get going as fast as is humanly possible, slapping the water, punishing it, doing something circular with their arms and kicking their legs ferociously, only to find themselves three minutes later three yards farther than where they started.

“Are you sure you’re an Olympic swimmer?” asks the lifeguard.

“Are you sure you’re an Olympic swimmer?” ask the ladies doing water aerobics.

“What are you doing in my pool?” asks the nextdoor neighbor.

Then there’s the guy who watches the Olympic volleyball team and decides he wants to show off his spike at the beach volleyball courts. He winds up, jumps as high as he can, and slaps it right in the net.

“Aw dang, gimme another try. Somebody set me.”

He gets his wish, a perfectly arced set. Then he jumps again, this time higher, and he swings his arm at the ball, and misses. This time he’s in the net.

“Okay, I got this, gimme another shot.”

His third time jumping really is charming, and higher than the last. He can see over the net. He aims and hits the ball. It’s an actual spike! Nice job, v-ball dude, you spiked the ball into the ocean.

Who’s going to go get it?

It’s our Olympic swimmer. He runs to be the hero, spinning his arms long before he gets to the water. He’s in the water. He’s a bit faster now, because there’s a current. The same current that takes our volleyball out to sea, takes our Olympic swimmer out there too. They both bob up and down, rushing farther out with each wave.

In a short while we can no longer see them, but we’re not worried.

We’ve seen the movie and we know how it ends.