Some of the more mysterious candies are difficult to find, to eat, or to believe they even exist. Here are a few of those:
Mary Jane: Caramel candy with a feminine name. A Mary Jane (the candy kind) is hard, hard caramel. The lightly toasted flavor is nice though.
Slo Poke: Caramel candy by a different name. What does that name mean? I don’t know. A Slo Poke is chewy, that’s the main thing to know about this here…chewy…candy.
Whatchamacallit: Really just a standard candy bar, it has one of the strangest names in the candy business. When you’re a kid you never think of these things, but what was the marketing strategy for this?
Big League Chew: As seen in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. Big League Chew was a great way for a candy company to promote a) baseball b) chewing tobacco c) bubble gum or d) all of the above.
Sugar Daddy: Not very exciting because it’s simply caramel on a stick, yet there was a whole family. Apparently there was a Sugar Mama, and yes, Sugar Babies.
Now ’n’ Later: These are basically a Starburst knockoff, or was it the other way around?
Bit-o-Honey: A lozenge of chewy stuff, it doesn’t taste bad, but it’s difficult to know exactly what to do with it. If you chew it when it’s cold it will break your teeth. You can pop the whole thing in your mouth and suck on it, but that takes forever. You can suck on it while holding it, but then your fingers get sticky.
Necco: These are like oversized Smarties. They’re cool though, ‘cause they have a licorice flavored one among the others.
Airheads: Dumb name and candy that is just meh. If you’re wanting something with heads in the name, go for Lemonheads.
Skor: Cool name, but I expected it to be like medieval, or maybe like viking candy, or something. It’s a different candy *company’s version of the Butterfinger. Extremely hard toffee, coated with chocolate. (*Ferrara made Butterfinger, Hershey’s made Skor.)
Zirkus “Peanuts”: These have the brag of being the only candy with air quotes in the name. They are kind of wicked fun to eat, but I honestly have no idea what this substance is I just ate, it kind of reminds of—AAUGH! Hack, kaff, wheeze…death.
Only funnin’ ya! Ha! Did you think I was dead? From eating Zirkus “Peanuts”?
Well, with this next candy you really gotta be super careful. I’m talking about Jolly Ranchers. Fun name sure, say it out loud, “Jolly Rancher,” but if you got overzealous eating them, you could choke. The only redeeming goodness here would be if it was spit-lubed enough for you to cough it out. Life Savers supposedly have that hole in the middle so you can’t choke on them, so why don’t Jolly Ranchers have a hole?
Jolly Ranchers are almost as dangerous as Candy Necklaces.
Xenosthesia.com 