How To Two

How to make beef jerky:

1. Get up, 4AM.
2. Take flashlight.
3. Sneak into pasture.
4. Get a run at it.
5. Tip sleeping cow.
6. Shine flashlight in cow’s eyes.
7. Beef jerky.

How to operate a talk show:

1. Get ugly furniture.
2. Get a camera.
3. Talk.

How to cure a headache:

1. Take off your hat.
2. Close your eyes.
3. Walk around.
4. Stub your toe.
5. Headache cured.

How to make a baby:

1. I can’t think of any funny stuff.
2. Only serious stuff.
3. Making a baby is serious and requires mature responsibility.
4. People who don’t take it seriously are screwing up the world.

How to make cookies:

1. Sugar, butter, flour, eggs.
2. Heat.
3. Serve with milk.

How to age up:

1. Eat lots of cookies.
2. Eat lots of veggies.
3. Exercise.
4. Don’t die before your next birthday.