Advice to young men

For young men: Be aware that no matter how many words you use when you’re talking to a young woman, she will consider it a conversation. For instance, if you were playing a sport with a girl and you wanted her to know that it was fun and that she was a valuable member of the team and you made the mistake of saying, “I like you as a friend,” even though the emphasis was on the “you”, there are several things wrong with this phrase. The first one is the use of “I” at the very beginning. When a girl hears you say “I” at the beginning of a sentence, she is immediately fully invested. You are talking about yourself to her. When she hears you say “I,” she reasons that marriage is imminent. The next word twists the deal. “I like,” is what she hears and the conversation has taken a turn for the weird. First of all, you’re talking about your feelings. This is where all girls live: in their feelings. But you said, “like,” so now of course she is imagining you breaking off the wedding, but still wanting to date. You’re going steady with her now, especially when she hears, “I like you…” Now you have put “I” and “you” in the same sentence, so she has hope for that marriage thing again. But then—oh, then—you drop the bomb in her lap and tell her to defuse it or die. You might be thinking, “I didn’t say that.” But you did. You said, “…as a friend.” Suddenly she’s reduced to friend not bride status. So even though by “friend” you meant “valuable member of the team,” she understands that you are breaking up with her. Now don’t get confused and think that you need to spell everything out for every girl everywhere. Fewer words are still better. Short vague phrases such as: “You’re awesome!” and “You’re Olympic!” will work in most cases. Beware of anything that might sound covert. Young women live in the covert. They’ll analyze your every word. They’ll see through your cover-ups. Also, never ever say, “You’re sweaty,” for reasons we will discuss later.